A new Chapter of The Pain is coming up soon, but in the meantime I'm posting this little entry that I wrote last night while being very annoyed at Corazon Salvaje. Yes, again. Because that show is just reeking with cliches and bad storytelling devices; and while I can ignore them most of the time because they provide moments of hilarity, sometimes it they just bug me. This one in particular is something that I see a lot not only in Novelas but in more "normal" mediums: TV shows (specially sitcoms and melodramas), movies, novels, etc. It's one of those things that always seem like the producers are yelling "THIS IS REAL THIS REALLY HAPPENS" at you. And I don't think it ever happens in real life. At least I'd like to think it doesn't, because people just can't be that stupid. And of course, the type of life-or-death secrets we're talking about here just never happen in the real world.
So here we go. Really Annoying Storytelling Cliche #1:
It so happens that Person 1 has a really terrible secret. Most people know about the secret, except Person 2, who is the love of their life. The terrible secret might not even be so terrible and Person 2 would probably understand, but Person 1 is too scared to tell anyway, because the plot dictates that it be so. But eventually a moment comes (usually when a third party tries to interfere and break up the loving couple) when Person 1 just can't live with the secret anymore and MUST confess to Person 2. This conversation ensues, following every step to the letter:
Person 1 (super earnest): I MUST TELL YOU THE TRUTH NOW
Person 2 (besotted and insistent): The truth doesn't matter! all that matters is that I love you!
Person 1: But I must tell you--
Person 2: HUSH, MY PET! All that matter is the now!
Person 1: BUT LISTEN TO ME--
Person 2: the past is past, my darling! do not fret! All that matters is our future!
Person 1: BUT this could affect our future--
Person 2: I don't want to hear it! Nothing will ever cloud your perfection!
Person 1: BUT--
Person 2: Let us go have some cake*!
Person 1: *gives in* OH, FINE. Because I love you so.
*Or some other stupid interruption. The phone, the doorbell, a friend, etc.
**As they're getting cake or whatever**
Person 2: Oh my darling!
Person 1 (anxious): Um, I gotta go to the bathroom
Person 2: hurry back! I must gaze into your perfection again soon!
*Person 3 saunters along*
[Person 3 is usually a jealous ex-lover, or just someone who wants to drive the two apart]
Person 3: Hi there Person 2! Remember how we used to have that passionate relationship but we fucked it up?
Person 2: I remember, but it doesn't matter now because I have found the Flower of Perfection in Person 1.
Person 3: hey, so did you hear about that horrible thing Person 1 did a while ago?
Person 2: WHAT? WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!
Person 3: dunno, probably cos they're so horrible. Ciao!
*Person 3 saunters off, Person 1 comes back*
Person 1: heyo!
Person 2: OMG YOU HORRIBLE FUCKING PERSON HOW COULD YOU DO THAT
Person 1: But! But I tried to tell y--
Person 2: YOU ARE HORRIBLE HOW DID YOU NOT TRUST ME I AM SO WOUNDED NOW
Person 1: *sob* NOOOO!
*person 2 storms off*
**A while later after much conflict has ensued**
Person 2: Hey I totally forgive you for that horrible thing you did
Person 1: YAY MY LOVE! I forgive you for yelling at me and not trusting me and hating me and insulting me! I forgive you even though you refused to listen to me when I tried to unburden myself to you!
Person 2: Awesome! let's make out.
*THE END*
Of course, #1 is never strong enough to just tell #2 to shut the fuck up and LISTEN already. #2 is too much of an idiot to listen, and then too proud to want to figure out why the other person didn't say it earlier. #3 is someone #2 KNOWS not to trust but they trust them ANYWAY even when they've twisted the story to fit their nefarious plans. And the whole thing is just such a stupid, lazy plot device used to create conflict and drive the couple apart so that they can have a happy reunion in the end. And I want it banned FOREVER.
To all writers out there: PLEASE STOP DOING THAT.
Thank you,
-Fig
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