tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18632540960322963452024-03-19T03:17:34.170-05:00A Gut ReactionUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger291125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-66195350754521366612013-01-25T13:09:00.003-06:002013-01-25T13:09:52.122-06:00'13 Movies: "Beasts...", "Jiro...", "Girls...", "Goon", "The Producers", "<br />
<u>11. Beasts of the Southern Wild</u><br />
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Absolutely gorgeous, unusual film. I had no idea what to expect going in, and so I was more than pleasantly surprised by how beautiful and heartfelt this movie was. The performances are outstanding, specially considering that none of the main actors have ever been in a film before. It's such an unusual movie, and it's just wonderful. Everyone needs to watch it.<br />
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<u>12. Jiro Dreams of Sushi</u><br />
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A great documentary. I loved that it showed a tiny aspect of the world that I had no knowledge of, and it did it in a very simple, understated but deeply respectful manner. The Sushi Chef Jiro is shown as the true artist he is, and it's fascinating to watch him talk about how he has dedicated his entire life to his art and task, and it's all very inspirational. I don't even <i>like</i> sushi (which feels weird to say after watching the movie, but I simply prefer stronger, bolder flavors in my food) and I was completely engrossed in watching the process as undertaken by true masters. Everyone profiled in the movie is so dedicated and so in love with what they do, and that's always something that's worth watching. <br />
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<u>13. Girls Just Want to Have Fun</u><br />
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Perfect if you feel like being punched in the face by the 80s. And sometimes you're just in the mood for that, you know? Neon, big hair, spandex (sooo much spandex) and dancing montages. This has it all! <br />
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<u>14.Goon</u><br />
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Eh. Several friends of mine have been talking about this movie for a while now, so I decided to check it out. Unfortunately, there just wasn't much to it from my point of view. It had a couple of moments that were funny, but that's about it. It was very violent, but that didn't bother me as much as the fact that it was just kinda boring and overly long. Sean William Scott was pretty decent in it, though, as well as Jay Baruchel. <br />
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<u>15. The Producers</u><br />
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Great music, terrible movie. It's possibly the <i>laziest</i> play-to-movie adaptation I have ever seen, and it's definitely the worst directed. There's just nothing cinematical about it; it's like the director just told the actors to sing the song and placed a camera in front of them. So it's completely lifeless and boring,which is a real disservice to the music, which is actually pretty funny and entertaining. It was just so weird to watch. All the actors performed like they were on stage, so everything was very theatrical, but the setting and direction were so static and boring that they looked ridiculous. We would've been much better off with a filmed version of the actual stage musical than what they did here. I was completely disappointed and kind of embarrassed. And whoever told Uma Thurman that she could sing needs to be fired immediately. <br />
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<u>16. America's Sweethearts </u><br />
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Another terrible movie. It's not even entertaining as a turn-off-your-brain romantic comedy--it was just fucking terrible. Painfully unfunny while thinking it's very clever, trying to be do some meta-commentary trying to make fun of the movie industry while not realizing just how embarrassing it is that movie people are <i>worse</i> than this, and that the movie itself proves it. Ugh. Everyone in it annoyed me, but the nothing was worse than Julia Roberts and her stupid fat suit.<br />
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**<br />
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Well, that's one long, random list of movies. That's what I get for not catching up on time. And what I get for not doing things I actually have to do and watching terrible movies instead. <br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-22071878725840398492013-01-16T13:10:00.000-06:002013-01-25T12:46:39.754-06:00'13 Movies: Moonrise Kingdom, Cruel Intentions, Topsy-Turvy, Queen of Versailles7.<u>Moonrise Kingdom</u><br />
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Didn't like it. I think Wes Anderson and I just don't mesh sometimes. I loved <i>The Royal Tennenbaums</i>; it was bizarre, quirky, really funny and heartfelt. <i>The Fantastic Mr. Fox</i> is one of my favorite movies. So I thought I'd give this one a go. Alas, it just didn't work for me. It was a beautifully done movie: the lighting, the colors, the gorgeous panning shots of the island. But the story was a little too precious, the dialogue a little too stilted and weird, and the acting of the child actors was painful to watch sometimes. And everyone else seemed to talk like they were asleep or drugged, so that I never cared about any of the characters or what was happening to them. I wanted to like it, but grew completely bored of the whole thing, which was overlong and tiring. <br />
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8.<u>Cruel Intentions</u><br />
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Remember 1999?! It was amazing! A magical time when Ryan Phillippe was the hottest man alive (to <i>some</i> people, which, blech), Sarah Michelle Geller's clothes were considered the coolest things ever, and no one knew just how irritating Reese Witherspoon really was. Aw, this movie. It tries so, so hard to be edgy and dangerous and racy, and by God it <i>was</i>!-- back in 10th grade when the idea of two girls kissing was outrageous and we thought this movie was full of amazing acting. I used to hate this movie back then, but now that I'm older and wiser (ha!) I've come around and realized just how ridiculously fun it is and now I love it and want to watch it three more times, in a row. The dialogue is cheesy as all hell, the clothes are hideous, and Joshua Jackson is blond <i>and</i> gay. It's perfect!<br />
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9.<u>Topsy-Turvy</u><br />
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I can't believe I sat through this whole thing. Well, I guess I can, considering how little actual attention I paid to it as it played in the background of me sewing some pants. I'm not even sure <i>why</i> I watched it, other than it just being there and me having a craving for some pretty costumes and sets. And it did have that, in spades, but it was also terribly boring, with a meandering story that never went anywhere, and no actual stakes for anyone involved. It was fun to see the theater and singing bits, and Jim Broadbent is always a ton of fun to watch, but there wasn't much more to the movie. Which is probably why no one remembers that it ever existed.<br />
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10. <u>The Queen of Versailles</u><br />
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Ugh. This movie made me feel dirty. In so many ways, and none of them pleasant. It's a documentary about a filthy rich man and his trophy, botoxed-to-hell wife, who set out to build a disgusting monster of a mansion. Then the market crashes and boo-hoo-hoo, they lose everything. It's a weird thing to watch, because at first you just want to hate these horrible people--because they are truly awful, awful human being-- but when the crash happens you, well, don't exactly feel <i>sorry</i> for them (specially not when the horrible wife spends $2000 they don't have on caviar), but you don't exactly feel <i>good</i> about it, because losing all your money just sucks. It was just really fascinating to watch and be amazed at the incredible timing of the filmmaker, while also trying very hard to accept the fact that these people are <i>real</i>. I'm sad to realize that yes, they are very real, and they are very horrible, and that there's probably lots of people exactly like them out there. Brr. <br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-46948805041795137042013-01-09T21:51:00.003-06:002013-01-09T21:51:42.698-06:00'13 Movies: 'Dear Zachary'<u>6. Dear Zachary</u><br />
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Hey, ever wanted to feel like someone had just punched you in the gut after they just finished telling you the saddest story you'd ever heard in your life? Then, boy, this is the movie for you!<br /><br />Gah. I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous because I can't even think about this movie too much, and attempting to do anything close to a review seems like a disservice. This was an extremely powerful documentary, to say nothing of being one of the most gut-wrenching things I've ever seen. The less you know about it, the better, but I'd stay away (or read about it) if you're the really sensitive type. I'd read a summary on it and even that didn't prepare me for how shocking the story turned out to be. The fact that all of it <i>really happened</i> is almost too much to believe, if only because it's so hard to accept that something like that could really happen. But I'm going round in circles. It's really difficult to watch, but it's also in parts quite beautiful--specially the parts at the beginning that just speak about what a wonderful man Andrew Bagby was. In short, it's not something I'll forget anytime soon, and I'm very glad I watchedit.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-74381384942254418542013-01-08T19:29:00.000-06:002013-01-09T21:53:22.565-06:00'13 Movies: 'X Men: First Class', 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles', 'Ballerina'January sucks when you're working retail. After the craziness of the holidays, the stores completely empty out and you're left doing nothing but returns for angry customers who've just realized that their significant other spent only $12 on a hideous sweater that they can't even exchange for something pretty. And the hours are cut so badly that you start wondering if it's even worth it to spent the money to drive to work only to get yelled at by people and get a measly paycheck. Which is a long way of saying: I'm gonna spend a lot of time watching movies this week. And writing very short reviews. Or trying to, because just as with my Cannonball reviews I keep telling myself that I *will* post about this movie tomorrow...then tomorrow comes and I watch three more movies and forget to catch up. But I will try.<br />
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<u>3. X-Men: First Class</u><br />
This was a rewatch. I think it says a lot that I left it sitting on the table for almost two weeks before watching it. It's not bad movie--in fact, I liked it so much that I watched it twice in theaters and twice more at my father-in-law's house. It's just that it's not one for infinite rewatches, like <i>The Avengers</i> is. It's a great superhero movie, but the more you watch it the longer it seems and the sillier the younger people come off looking. I guess that's just what you get when put teenagers at the center of the movie. But it's worth it for every scene featuring McAvoy and Fassbender--and even Kevin Bacon kicks a little bit of ass in this. So, I still like it, but I think I'll be better off not watching it again for a while.<br />
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<u>4. Planes, Trains and Automobiles</u><br />
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I can't believe I'd never watched this one, because it was <i>hilarious</i>. I think my expectations were lowered because I've seen way too many movies that want to be just like this one--the odd couples/road trip that is constantly meeting with disaster. But this was the original and this was the best, and I was constantly surprised by how much fun I was having. It's helped by perfect performances from Steve Martin and John Candy, who'll just crack you up by often not doing much more than just stand there crinkling his eyes. Definitely glad I watched it.<br />
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5. <u>Ballerina</u><br />
There's something so compelling about ballet documentaries for me lately. I don't even <i>like</i> ballet very much. But this one and <i>First Position</i> from a while back just makes me want to watch more of them. I think it's just that it's fascinating to watch people so dedicated to an extremely rare and demanding pursuit, and how strange and interesting the life of dancers seem to me. It helps that it's another very well done documentary, where you're always glued to the screen and get completely caught up in the stories of the people in the story. I only wish it had been a little longer, but it was otherwise a very good documentary.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-70684083097548741862013-01-05T23:07:00.001-06:002013-01-05T23:07:42.529-06:00'13 Movies: "Les Miserables"<br />
2. <u>Les Miserables</u> <br />
Oh, holy everything. This movie was incredible. Beautiful, magical. Heartbreaking. I can't remember the last time I cried so much and so often as I did during this, and not just from sadness, but from just how beautiful the entire film was. The performances were so raw, the music so beautiful, the scenery, the costumes, the...everything. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, and every time I think of Anne Hathaway singing "I Dreamed a Dream" my heart breaks a little bit all over again. It was an amazing experience and one hell of a good way to start the year at the movie theater. Can't recommend it enough.<br />
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3. <u>The Muppet Movie (1979)</u><br />
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...<i>And for something completely different!</i><br />
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This was adorable and hilarious. I love the Muppets. Who doesn't love the Muppets? The evil people, that's who. It's impossible to not feel a little happier after watching the Muppets doing anything, and this was just a great movie. Everyone who was anyone in the 70s is in it, and just spotting all the cameos is a hell of a lot of fun. I also liked it much better than I did the most recent Muppet movie, which was...cute, but sadly lacking in actual Muppet moments, giving way too much time to the humans and the less-than-impressive songs. This one is a classic for a reason, and I know I'll be watching it over and over again in the future.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-45085725074863146832013-01-01T22:21:00.001-06:002013-01-01T22:21:21.419-06:00'13 Movies: An Officer and a GentlemanHeh, so much for keeping constantly updated.<br />
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Onwards!<br />
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1.<u>An Officer and a Gentleman</u><br />
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Thank you, Netflix, for your ridiculously specific movie categories, like the one where I found this movie: "Sentimental Movies of the 1980s". I had a vague idea this would be too much in the vein of <i>Flashdance</i> to be any good at all, but I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, it's a little cheesy in parts, but there's an actually interesting story and some darker themes working in the movie that made it a pretty enjoyable experience. Richard Gere is surprisingly attractive in it (though as lifeless as usual), Louis Gossett, Jr steals every scene he's in and the rest of the cast is pretty decent. So, it's very 80s but just competent enough to keep it from being completely ridiculous.<br />
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The theme song remains terrible, though. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-43631045894538799872012-12-10T21:55:00.004-06:002012-12-10T21:55:53.724-06:00Movies Today: "Flashdance", "First Position"Two wildly different movies, two very different reactions.<br />
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<u>Flashdance</u><br /><br />Why did I even watch this? I knew it'd be terrible. And boy, was it. It was all 80s synthesizers, neon glow, big hair, scary women, ugly dudes, and really aggressive dancing. It did make me wonder where that Super Powerful 80s woman went; the one who'd wear shoulder pads and stilletos and want to kick your ass at any given opportunity. I suppose that, as with so many trends in the 80s, it was taken way too far and just became way too crazy to sustain itself. I think that's probably a good thing. So it just wasn't a very good movie, but it's definitely fun to finally watch the movie that inspired so many horrible trends that are actually resurfacing nowadays. The cut-up sweatshirt! Legwarmers! Super-high-leg bathing suits! Mohawks! Awful stand-up comedians! Terrible movie.<br />
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<u>First Position</u><br /><br />I'm so happy Netflix recommended this. It's a documentary tracking the attempts of six young ballet dancers to compete and succeed at an International Ballet Competition in New York. There's three boys and three girls, ranging from 9 to 18 and from all kinds of backgrounds, and it's a fascinating movie. It's kind of amazing what those kids go through, and I liked that you could tell, very easily, that the kids <i>love</i> dancing. And there's nary a stage mom in sight! It's all about the kids, and it's heartbreaking, beautiful and inspiring all at the same time. There's some beautiful moments with the kids families and of course all the dancing we see is breathtaking. I'll even admit that the ending made me cry a little. Highly recommended. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-29765813166645521822012-12-09T00:11:00.000-06:002012-12-09T00:11:41.892-06:00New Idea:Movies I've WatchedI don't want to let this blog die. Trying to write book reviews obviously turned into a disaster, so I think I'll try to get back in the game by going back to how it started: writing about nothing, mostly as a way to get things off my head and keep track of some of the painfully mundane things I do every day.<br />
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One thing is to just keep track of movies I've watched. I tried writing it down in an actual, physical journal but found that really boring. Also, what's the point if no one will ever read it? At least with blogger there is an infinitesimal chance that someone will read it. But, whatever. Let me ask, though: Is there a movie version of Goodreads out there? I love how Goodreads gives me a chance to keep track of books I've read without <i>having</i> to write reviews, and just give them a quick rating. I don't know, is that even an original idea? Wanna buy it from me?<br />
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But I'll start now, and hopefully compile some kind of list at the end of the year or month. I watch a lot of movies. And I'll try to be as honest as possible and not fail to mention the admittedly terrible movies I watch on my days off when I just want to sit still for an hour without having to think too hard about what I'm watching. Like how I watched <i>Tinkerbell</i> the other day. And how I didn't hate it. It was actually super cute and fun and something I'd like to watch with my future daughter-who-will-probably-never-exist. <br /><br />I won't even bother writing more than a two-sentence review, either. Gut reaction's the title of the blog, dammit, and I'm gonna stick with that. So, welcome to Five-Minute Reviews of Movies I've Watched.<br />
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<u>Prometheus</u><br />
Ugh. Uuuugh. Big steaming pile of crap, seen through a dirty blue filter. What a terrible, nonsensical bore of a movie this was. I can't even think of one redeeming quality about it other than the casting of Idris Elba and Michael Fassbender, and even <i>that</i> is pushing it, because goddammit, no, it was a terrible movie and handsome men don't make up for lazy writing. Not even the visuals were that great. Everything was muddy and half-assed and confusing. I never once cared about anything that was going on in my screen, and never once did the filmmakers give me a reason to care. Definitely skip that one.<br />
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A while ago I asked my Facebook friends what the worst movie they had watched recently was. The question was prompted by having watched <i>Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull</i>, which was fucking awful. Now, I don't think <i>Prometheus</i> was worse than that monstrosity, but it came pretty damn close. It's definitely the worst current movie I've seen this year. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-48151014457680192242012-06-20T13:20:00.002-05:002012-06-20T13:22:51.184-05:00Book #10: 'Dead Star Twilight' by Chez PazienzaHi, I'm back!
I know, I've been just <i>the worst</i> at reviewing books this year. And I've been reading, just...not bothering with reviews, as 5 of those have been re-reads.
The worst part? I haven't written anything because the books I've read have been, for the most part, completely brilliant. And do you know how hard it is to write a review of a book you loved? When you feel like you can't possibly do it justice and trying to write something deep and meaningful about them will just make you feel like a dumbass because you just don't have the words to say anything more eloquent than "HOLY SHIT THAT BOOK WAS SO GOOD"? Yeah, that.<br />
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And that's the really long, really annoying way to tell you that I absolutely freakin loved the hell out of Chez Pazienza's <i>Dead Star Twilight</i>. Even that feels ridiculous, because saying that you "loved" a very personal, harrowing memoir about one man's battle with heroin addiction just feels particularly stupid, you know?
I think the best way I can describe it is that it affected me like almost no other book has. It's gut-wrenchingly honest and heartbreaking, beautifully written and flat-out unforgettable. I can still remember the sadness, the horror, the beauty of some of the scenes in the memoir, even months after I finished it. It's the kind of story that stays with you. You should read it.<br />
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You can buy the e-book version of <i>Dead Star Twilight</i> right <a href="http://payloadz.com/d1/freeproducts.asp?id=1494828">here</a>. And you can (and should) read all of Chez's blog, <a href="http://www.deusexmalcontent.com/">Deus Ex Malcontent</a> right after.
That's it. There's a million more things I could say about it, but it would all feel pithy and silly. It's a great book, and you should read it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-58493636876298693262012-04-02T18:52:00.003-05:002012-04-02T19:21:19.459-05:00Book #9: The Gun Seller by Hugh LaurieYep, that Hugh Laurie. <i>House</i>? Really funny, super sexy British accent, you know who. I had no idea he'd written a book, but hey, the internet teaches you things! So I read it.<br /><br /><i>The Gun Seller</i> is a convoluted, often hilarious story about spies, arms sales, international conspiracies and a lot of crazy car chases. It's like someone blended <I>The Bourne Conspiracy</i> with a Douglas Adams story, added a little bit of John Le Carre and a protagonist who probably acts a lot like House. The result is very, very funny at times, but also just flat-out confusing in others. <br /><br />The whole thing is kind of manic, really. It's not surprising to anyone who's familiar with Laurie that the guy is a hilarious writer, and he keeps up the frantic pace throughout. The one problem I had, though, was that sometimes the story would jump around so much and so quickly that I had a hard time keeping track of what exactly was going on in the story. The fact that the main character keeps flipping sides and that everything is centered around things implied and not said, and that everyone keeps lying to each other didn't help matters much.<br /><br />But, overall, it was a damn entertaining read. Laurie is a great storyteller and is pretty amazing at writing characters and dialogue. In just a couple of sentences you could understand exactly what a character was like, and that's not a talent a lot of writers possess. <br /><br />Truth be told, I'm not even that much into spy stories, but this one was greatly helped by the humor and nonstop pace. Highly recommended if you want something funny and exciting, and a must-read for any Hugh Laurie fans.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-78144128314474533142012-03-22T21:56:00.006-05:002012-03-22T22:24:48.449-05:00Book 8: "The Devil Wears Prada" by Lauren WeisbergerThink of the worst boss you ever had. Think of every ridiculous habit, every ridiculous demand, ever time you wanted to set the building on fire because of them. Now multiply that by, oh, a thousand, and you'll end up with Miranda Priestly, the villain of this book and one of the most hilariously evil characters I've ever read.<br /><br />The story is told by Andrea Sachs, a perfectly normal girl who dreams of being a journalist. Almost by accident, she ends up working at a prestigious fashion magazine named Runway, as the second assistant to the Editor-in-Chief, Miranda Priestly. Even though she hates everything about her job (which she's constantly assured millions of girls would kill to have), she stays because she's been told that it could lead to work with an actual magazine. Though, holy crap, I'm not sure any job would be worth putting up with a nightmare like this.<br /><br />The job is <i>ridiculous</i>. Miranda treats everyone like shit, basically because she can. She makes outrageous demands, throws money left and right to get everything her way, is sarcastic, shrill, infuriating. And it's kind of hilarious to read. I'd say it's completely unrealistic, but I'm sure there's people like that out there. Brr. <br /><br />So, the book is really about Andrea's nightmare year in fashion. It's funny and definitely hooks you in, though there's some boring distractions here and there, like the side-plots involving the boyfriend and best friend. And there's times I find myself wanting to shake Andrea and force her to learn just a little bit about the magazine and fashion worlds and not whine so much. I'm sure I would, too, but, come on.<br /><br />But aside from that, this is, more than anything, a fun read. One second you'll be sitting there thinking this is all ludicrous and impossible, and the next you'll be yelling at the book wanting to slap a fictional horrible boss. Beware the nasty flashbacks, is all I'm saying. I didn't love the book (the subject is a little silly for me), but I liked it quite a bit. Miranda Priestly will stay in my nightmares forever.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-71171368255404831502012-03-20T15:36:00.005-05:002012-03-20T16:19:07.915-05:00Books 6 and 7: "Kiss of the Highlander" and "The Dark Highlander" by Karen Marie MoningOh, boy. How do I get out of this one? How do I admit that I read not one, but <i>two</i> romance novels about sexy, sexy Highlanders who have racy adventures with plucky, virginal girls? I buck up, that's what. I sit my butt down and try to review them as quickly as possible so that we can all forget that this ever happened.<br /><br />Anyway. <br /><br />These two fine examples of ridiculously fun 'literature' are part of the cleverly titled "Highlander" series, where the basic premise is that there's a group of Highlanders who are druids and possess ancient, secret magic. They use it to travel through time and encounter sexy, plucky girls who change their destinies. And by that I mean 'Have lots of sexy with them and make them happy Highlanders". It's all outrageous and ridiculous and terribly fun to read.<br /><br />The first, <i>Kiss of the Highlander</i>, features Chloe, the (you guessed it) sexy and plucky 21st Century chick who takes a trip to Scotland to find a guy to take her virginity. No, I'm serious. She actually says she's looking for a "Cherry Picker". YES. Those words are IN THE BOOK. So you get an idea how ridiculous it is. Anyway, she stumbles into a cave near a loch and finds Drustan, a super sexy Highlander who was put under a spell and has been asleep for 400 years. Awesome. So they have to figure out a way to get him back to his century, and they have fun (and sexy) adventures in the 20th Century. <br /><br />The second book, <i> The Dark Highlander</i>, deals with Drustan's brother, Daegus. Spoiler alert (snerk): He used his magic powers to help Drustan and Chloe be together, and in the process somehow became a Dark Druid. He's now living in the 21st Century and is trying to find a way to keep from becoming a completely evil being or something. One thing that helps is having sex, because of course it does. So he runs into sexy, plucky Gwen and they're terribly attracted to each other. So he decides to take her to Scotland for some reason, where they have to try and get back in time to keep Daegus from turning evil. Or something. I honestly can't remember the details.<br /><br />They're both equally ridiculous, and they're both damn good fun to read. There's all the stupid cliches of romances, but luckily the author has a great sense of humor about the whole thing. She knows it's silly and cliche, but she wants to have a good time writing it and for you to have fun reading them. And it works. They're two of the most fun romance novels I've read, and I'll confess it: there's some scenes that are incredibly sexy. Be warned though, they <i>are</i> graphic. Like maybe three steps away from flat-out pornographic. But really, that just makes them funnier. <br /><br />So, I highly recommend these two pieces of fluff if you're looking for something completely harmless and fun to read. There's the usual hilarious dialogue, the "Aye, lass"es, the sex scenes and all the usual cliches. But the characters are fun and not completely stupid, and the plot is actually interesting. You'll probably crack up more than a few times, but I think that's actually intentional for once. <br /><br />OK, now let's all forget this ever happened.<br /><br />(Unless of course, you actually read them and want to talk about them, because I'm all up for that).Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-74698899250959189312012-02-28T23:32:00.004-06:002012-02-28T23:42:42.109-06:00Conversations on the busI take the bus to work. There's all kinds of bizarre, mostly harmless characters. One of them is this one lady in her 60s who works at the mall, and she looks like she jumped straight out of a 1930s MGM movie. Big, deep set eyes with heavy lids. Deathly skinny. Like a very old, very skinny Marlene Dietrich. I wonder about her. <br /><br />Today she sits down on the bus, holding herself up like she's on screen. Someone from the back of the bus calls her, a very enthusiastic lady I couldn't get a clear look at. It was pretty obvious that Mrs Dietrich didn't want to give her the time of day. She even did that whole "I'm gonna pretend to talk on my phone right now to avoid talking to you" thing, but she was caught.<br /><br />"Hey [Marlene]!"<br /><br />"Oh, hi honey." <br /><i>Voice like Gloria Swanson, I swear</i><br /><br />"Have you seen [So and So]?"<br /><br />"Yes."<br /><br />"I miss her."<br /><br />"Mmm."<br /><br />"You look so pretty today!"<br /><br />"Aw, you're a darling."<br /><br />[Silence]<br /><br />"Ooh, where'd you get those pretty earrings?"<br /><br />"Oh, honey, I don't even remember."<br /><br />"They sure are pretty."<br /><br />"You are a dear."<br /><br />[Silence while Marlene goes through fake phone shennanigans]<br /><br />"Hey, [Marlene], how's your cat?"<br /><br />"Oh, she's good."<br /><br />"What's your cat's name?"<br /><br />"Princess"<br /><br /><i>Me: YES.</i><br /><br />"Oh that is SO darling!"<br /><br />[Marlene smiles, not looking up.]<br /><br />[Long silence]<br /><br />"My mom has a dog."<br /><br />"Yeah?"<br /><br />"Yeah. It's a little Shi-Tzu."<br /><br />"..."<br /><br />"His name is Reeses."<br /><br />[Silence]<br /><br />[End Scene]<br /><br />I love the bus sometimes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-46986730255133665102012-02-27T15:53:00.004-06:002012-02-28T07:41:59.343-06:00Book #5: "Something Borrowed" by Emily GiffinI'm seriously annoyed that I spent $3 on this garbage.<br /><br />Listen, I'll read trashy romance novels and enjoy them for the silly fluffhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif they are. I'll read the <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/03/book-10-diary-of-manhattan-call-girl-by.html">"diary" of a call-girl </a>and forget about it as soon as I'm done. I'll walk away from a sappy Nicholas Sparks book understand why someone would read it and love it even if I didn't. But a book like this? It just makes me angry and resentful that I wasted my time and money on it. Because it's just crap. The fact that it was a best seller <i>and</i> that it got turned into a movie just pisses me off even more.<br /><br />The story is stupidly basic. Rachel is turning 30. She's a lawyer in New York and though she has a pretty nice life, she does <i>nothing</i> but sit there and whine about it without bothering to do anything about it. Her best "friend" is an over-the-top attention whore named Darcy, who is engaged to the "perfect" guy, some boring pretty boy named Dex. On the night of Rachel's 30th birthday party, Darcy goes home and Rachel sleeps with Dex. Uh-oh. What to do? Tell Darcy? Not? Forget about it? WHO CARES.<br /><br />See, some writers could do something with that story. Make it a real conflict, show us how the incident could drive apart Darcy and Rachel. The big problem here is that Giffin makes Rachel to be a completely insufferable character. She whines <i>constantly</i>. She resents Darcy for stealing her thunder at every turn since they first became friends in 3rd grade. But she's such a damned pushover that she has never said a single thing to Darcy that would make her stop acting that way. She does nothing about <i>anything</i>. She just whines, constantly. <br /><br />This is how every single scene in the story plays out:<br /><br />"I'm Rachel. I hate my cushy life, my job and my best friend. But everything would be so much better if I had a boyfriend! Darcy tried to get me to have fun last night, how dare she? We've been friends since the 3rd grade even though I totally hate her attention-whorey ways. In revenge, I'm gonna have sex with her completely bland fiance that I am inexplicably in love with (mostly because he's Darcy's boyfriend and he talked to me once), and not tell her about it. I am <i>such</i> a good friend, unlike that bitch, Darcy!" <br /><br />Ta-da! Now you don't have to read it.<br /><br />This book isn't just boring and generic, it's <i>obnoxiously</i> boring and generic. There are no high stakes for anything that happens. I didn't care about any of the characters or what happened to them. Rather, I wanted to take Rachel aside and shake some sense and gumption into her, because her endless whining was driving me insane.<br /><br />Don't read this. Ever. Don't let your friends read it. It's obnoxious, insufferable, and will just make you angry. It's not even worth the clearance priced I paid on it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-68205186981288583902012-02-05T21:34:00.002-06:002012-02-05T21:48:17.827-06:00Book #4: "The Mist" by Stephen KingOh, how I wish this one had been longer. Not that the length of this Short Story wasn't perfect-- I just didn't want it to end, you know? <br /><br />This is King at his best. Short, quick sketches of characters, a terrifying phenomenon (a strange mist starts creeping over a small New England town, weird things happen), tense and scary action sequences and a look at what happens to normal human beings when confronted by the supernatural.<br /><br />It's something every King fan has read before, and it's totally satisfying. We have the usual roster of characters: the Rational Family Man, the cute little kid (who, blessedly, isn't incredibly annoying this time), the Guy Who Goes Nuts, the Religious Nut (King just loooves his crazy Bible-thumpers, doesn't he?), the drunken rednecks. They're all familiar and we feel like we know them But as usual with King, it's not what the characters start out as but what they become that's so much fun to read. <br /><br />How would <i>you</i> react if you were caught inside a crowded supermarket while something really horrifying happens outside? Sure, everyone would want to be the rational guy trying to keep things from falling apart, but who says we wouldn't be the one sitting by the beer cooler trying to drink away the crazy? King has always been great at this, and this isn't an exception. This is one of his best short stories--fast-paced, bizarre, and completely terrifying in parts.<br /><br />But I do wish it had been longer, because it's one of those stories that you just want to see continue out into the larger world and--but I'll shut up and not spoil it. I'll just say that I was sad to find out it was so short. And that's a damn good thing in my book. I missed Old School King, and this was a good one to go back to.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-38411079104330381892012-01-28T10:50:00.004-06:002012-01-28T12:30:07.160-06:00Book #3: "An Impossible Attraction" by Brenda JoyceGodtopus bless the Romance novel. <br /><br />Because after all that depressing, deep reading, sometimes you just need something mindless and fluffy to cleanse your pallet, you know? And when that mindless fluff just happens to be 99 cents as an e-book and a mere 200 pages, how can you resist?<br /><br />This one kinda worked. It had your usual Bodice Ripper players: The poor damsel in distress, the rakish rich man with the dark past, a disapproving society and lots of longing glances and heaving bossoms. Not a lot of sexy stuff, though, for which this book loses about 50 points with me. <br /><br />The damsel in distress is Alexandra Edgemont (Brenda Joyce loooves her some clunky names), an older (read: 25) spinster who has given up having a life in favor of taking care of her drunken father and two younger sisters. She's The Beautiful One Who Sacrifices All and Is Woeful and Always Crying Because of Sad Things. The stunningly handsome rake is Stephen...Covington? De Winterbottom? Doesn't matter. Clarewood, that's it. He's a fancy, rich duke who has a secret heart of gold and a way with the ladies. He sees poor, helpless, beautiful Alexandra at some ball and decides to make her his mistress, as he does. She immediately swoons into his arms (literally and hilariously) and falls in love with him on sight, even though he's heartless and unfeeling and doesn't have that much to fall in love with, honestly. So she decides to become his mistress, they have one night of mindless sex, then he gets angry because she lied about being a virgin (wait...what? so what?!) and kicks her out. This happens at least three times. I lost count. <br /><br />It's all very ridiculous and overwrought, of course. Also flat-out hilarious in parts. Brenda Joyce just isn't a very good writer, and tends to fill her pages with ridiculous dialogue that sounds <i>vaguely</i> Olde Timey and is all just very silly.<br /><br />My favorite part, though? I kept noticing how she kept repeating certain words, and much like Inigo Montoya I had the urge to shake her and yell "YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD. I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS" in her face. Like..."slammed". As in "Her heart slammed". Thanks to my handy and awesome little Nook, I did a search and found that, in a meager 200 pages, this lady uses the phrase "her [or his] heart slammed" a whopping 26 times (and only twice does she use the verb correctly). She sometimes does it twice <i>in the same page</i>! Another one? "Her heart lurched". LURCHED, y'all. I kept wondering if poor Alexandra just had a really bad heart condition, because that's just not supposed to happen to your heart, honey. I think you might be having a heart attack! The lurching thing? Used 20 times! I LOVED IT. There was also "Thundering", and "sinking". Lots of hearts doing things hearts just shouldn't do. I think Miss Joyce needs to learn some new adjectives.<br /><br />So, you know. This book's just there. It's apparently part of a very long series, and definitely not one I want to read more of. I want my Romance Novels to have a little bit more Romance and a lot less disturbing things in it--like, say, less selling yourself to a man and then falling in love with him, or less loving him in spite of the fact that he's a total dickhead. That's just not right, people. Also: More sexy stuff. I don't care how hokey your dialogue is if you can at least have some fun sexy stuff. <br /><br />That's way more words than this book deserves, but I had fun writing this. I'm still wondering why there's a British character named "Alexi", or what the main guy even looked like, or why Alexandra was so dumb. But it was mindless, silly fluff, which is just what I was looking for. And, seriously, I cracked the hell up every time someone's heart kept "slamming". Ten points for that!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-63913157286071309012012-01-24T13:17:00.004-06:002012-01-24T13:35:41.928-06:00Book 2, "No Lifeguard on Duty: The Accidental Life of the World's First Supermodel" by Janice DickinsonWell, that was intense.<br /><br />Before I'd read this, the only thing I knew about Janice Dickinson was that she was that one screechy, mean and altogether hilarious (and terrifying) judge on <i>America's Next Top Model</i> who was crazier than Tyra Banks. And that's saying a lot. I knew she had been a huge model in the 80s, one who currently looked like a terrifying alien spider wearing a woman's skin, and that that was due to extreme levels of plastic surgery. I had no idea she had lived such a damn fascinating life.<br /><br />This is an autobiography, and it reads like Janice Dickinson herself: crazy, intense, crude, but definitely interesting. She's not the world's best writer (by far), but the brutal honesty of her writing can get you past that pretty quickly. She's full of horrifying stories about the worst parts of the 70s-- Studio 54 sex, drugs, sex, celebrities who take drugs and have sex, perverted photographers, the whole deal. But it's not just a story of a spoiled model, because Janice Dickinson has one hell of a dark past, and the entire book is peppered with a lot of regret and shame, which makes Janice Dickinson incredibly sympathetic sometimes. I wasn't expecting that.<br /><br />This woman holds nothing back. She fully admits to being spoiled, arrogant and shameless. She's seen everything and done everything (and everyone!) and doesn't care who knows it. There's something disarming about that much honesty. And she admits to her worse mistakes, and how none of the sleeping around, the drugs, the fame, ever made her very happy, because of how messed up of a childhood she had. The whole thing definitely shows you the dark side of celebrity and fame: when you have everyone around you telling you how perfect you are (because it'll make them money), why would you want to do anything differently? It's a terribly dark world, and the fact that she survived a whole lot of horrible things is proof that she is one tough, tough chick. And you gotta admire her for it. <br /><br />I don't know who I'd recommend this to, but I'd definitely say it's worth a read. There's a lot of darkness in the book, but there's also oodles of dirty celebrity tidbits and funny stories. It's definitely memorable. I know I'll never look at Liam Neeson the same way again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-50823613175474668552012-01-23T14:02:00.004-06:002012-01-23T16:35:40.446-06:00Cannonball 4, Book 1: "Interview With a Vampire" by Anne Rice<i>Maybe the third try (for me) is the one. The one where I finally review every book I read this year. Come on, Fig. Do eet.</i><br /><br />There were two questions constantly running through my mind as I read this book. One: Why am I reading yet another book about vampires? And two: Why is it that people who write about vampires always have the whiny, boring vampires as their protagonists? <br /><br />As to the first question: I don't know. I suppose after reading the shitfest that was <i>Twilight</i>, followed by the campy fun of the Sookie Stackhouse series, I wanted a different take on vampires. Something serious and dark, more along the lines of <i>Dracula</i>. So based on vague recollections of people telling me this was good, I picked it up.<br /><br />As to the second question...hell, I don't know. Anne Rice, like Stephanie Meyer (ugh) and Charlaine Harris (in the first Sookie Stackhouse books, at least) decided to tell us about the constantly conflicted and whiny vampire. Like Edward and Bill, Louis is the one vampire in the world who isn't happy about being vampire and who refuses to have any fun while being an immortal, impossibly beautiful and powerful being. Why? Why spend eternity grieving about your basic nature and being miserable about who you are? Just walk out into the sunshine one day, kill yourself and save us all from having to read about your misery. Let the fun, crazy vampires like Lestat be the main characters of the story--they're so much more entertaining to read about.<br /><br />The plot here is your basic Vampire fare. Louis is a vampire telling his story to a reporter sometime in the late 20th Century. He was originally a wealthy plantation owner living in New Orleans near the end of the 19th Century. He had a pretty good life until his brother died in a silly accident, which led Louis to become all depressed and emo-like, wanting to die but lacking the courage to kill himself. Along came Lestat, a batshit-crazy vampire who one day decided to make Louis his companion, mostly because Louis is rich. Lestat is outright evil and conniving, and pretty soon Louis gets tired of his company. But he still sticks around, whining and complaining about being a vampire, feeding off rats and other animals because he can't stand eating humans. He mostly just sits around and whines, waffling about good and evil, life and death and a whole lot of other very boring stuff. After a while he makes a young child, Claudia, into a vampire, who pretty soon gets sick of all of Louis' whining, too. <br /><br />There's just <i>so much</i> whining. And what's most infuriating about the book is that the characters surrounding Louis are almost all fascinating in their own right. But, instead of focusing on them, Rice decides to just let us hear Louis complaining and wringing his hands about the things that they do. Claudia is a particularly interesting character--she's a monster trapped in a child's body, unable to change or grow and hating Lestat and Louis for it. She wants to do a lot of things--to take advantage of her immortality and learn more about vampires, while Louis just wants to sit there and...I don't know, whine some more. They travel to Europe and meet more vampires, most of whom end up getting quickly tired of Louis' whiny bullshit. Just like I did. Because it just doesn't stop, and pretty quickly I learned to just skim over long passages of Louis questioning the meaning of life and vampirism, because I wanted to get to the good stuff where the actual vampires <i>do something</i>.<br /><br />It's just not a very good book. It suffers greatly from the fact that Rice picked an incredibly boring character as her narrator and protagonist, one who gets very tiring very quickly. And there's just too many passages where Louis just sits there thinking about being a vampire, instead of just being one. The story is slow and dry, only getting interesting when other people intervene--it's never Louis who does anything worth reading. I guess this might appeal to some people; those who want to philosophize and really think about what it means to be a vampire, but I'm just not one of those people. Or rather, I think there's ways to make this interesting, but Anne Rice just didn't do that for me. There's actually some good scenes in the book, but in the end they're too few and far between to make the book a compelling read.<br /><br />I think my experience with Rice's vampires ends here.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-33954066646900129032012-01-05T21:58:00.007-06:002012-01-06T11:36:30.319-06:00The End of Cannonball 3: Lists and lists and more listsCripes. Well, so much for keeping up with reviews this time. I kinda suck at that.<br /><br />BUT! I <i>did</i> finish 55 books this year. I squeaked out the 56th at noon on January 1st, so I'm not counting it. I'm still pretty damn proud of myself, because reading 55 books in one year, while working all kinds of hours and trying to keep the house from becoming too chaotic can be pretty damn hard sometimes. But I made myself read at least half an hour before going to sleep and another half hour when I wake up, and it worked out pretty well. The one thing that saved me towards the latter half of the year was getting a Barnes and Noble <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/u/nook/379003208">"Nook" e-reader</a>, which is an incredibly beautiful thing. I never knew just how amazing it was until late one night when I had finished <i>Catching Fire</i> (the 2nd book in the Hunger Games Trilogy) and I was itching to read the next one...so I just went to the B&N store on the Nook and bought the next one. Right there. From bed. At 2 in the morning. Five minutes at the most. TECHNOLOGY! HOLY SHIT!<br /><br />So, anyway. I still want to try and finish the reviews I have left. I'm pretty sure I'll join the Cannonball again for its 4th iteration, but I want to get #3 done and over with before I do.<br /><br />Here's some quick End-of-the-Cannonball Lists!<br /><br /><b>Best Books of 2011</b>:<br /><br />1. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/11/book-32-book-thief-by-markus-zusak.html">The Book Thief</a> by Markus Zusak<br />2. World War Z by Max Brooks<br />3. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/12/book-38-lamb-gospel-according-to-biff.html">Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Friend</a> by Christopher Moore<br />4. The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins<br />5. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/12/books-33-37-song-of-ice-and-fire-by.html">A Song of Ice and Fire</a> by George RR Martin<br /><br />Lessons Learned: I love series. And damn, there's some good Young Adult reading out there (both my #1 and #4 are so qualified). I also like zombies and funny books.<br /><br /><b>Best Series of 2001, Because Damn, I Read a Lot of Series This Year</b>:<br /><br />1. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/12/books-33-37-song-of-ice-and-fire-by.html">A Song of Ice and Fire</a> by George RR Martin<br />2. The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins<br />3. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/02/book-7-dead-until-dark-by-charlaine.html">The Southern Vampire Series</a> by Charlaine Harris<br />4. The D'Artagnan Romances by Alexandre Dumas<br />5. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/01/book-2-harry-potter-and-half-blood.html">Harry Potter</a> by J.K. Rowling<br /><br />Lessons Learned: Second verse, same as the first. I also like how this shows that my tastes in reading are pretty damn eclectic. <br /><b>Worst Books of 2011</b>:<br /><br />1. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/01/book-4-constant-princess-by-phillipa.html">The Constant Princess</a> by Phillipa Gregory (GAWRGH)<br />2. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/04/book-14-misfortune-by-william-stace.html">Misfortune</a> by William Stace<br />3. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/01/book-3-dead-of-night-by-randy-wayne.html">Dead of Night</a> by Randy Wayne White<br />4. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/03/book-10-diary-of-manhattan-call-girl-by.html">Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl</a> by Tracy Quan<br />5. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/03/book-11-ministry-of-special-cases-by.html">The Ministry of Special Cases</a> by Nathan Englander<br /><br />Lessons learned: I hate bad historical fiction, and I hate being bored by books. Also: there's a lot of bad writing out there and I'm glad I avoided most of it.<br /><br /><b>Tear-jerkiest Books of 2011, AKA: Books That Feel Like a Punch to the Gut</b>:<br /><br /><a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/11/book-32-book-thief-by-markus-zusak.html">1. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak</a><br />2. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/11/book-31-color-purple-by-alice-walker.html">The Color Purple</a> by Alice Walker<br />3. The Pianist by Wladyslaw Szpilmanhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif<br />4. Schindler's List by Thomas Keneally<br />5. The Man in the Iron Mask by Alexandre Dumas<br /><br />Lessons learned: Good lord, woman, stop reading books about the Holocaust. Also: Keep a box of tissues by the bed. <br /><br /><b>Biggest Disappointments of 2011</b>:<br /><br />1. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/08/book-24-anansi-boys-by-neil-gaiman.html">Anansi Boys</a> by Neil Gaiman<br />2. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchellhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif<br /><br />Lessons learned: Not everything Neil Gaiman does is gold. <br /><br /><b> Biggest "Wait...Did I Read That? I Totally Forgot</b>:<br /><br />1. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/04/book-14-misfortune-by-william-stace.html">Misfortune</a> by William Stace<br />2. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/03/book-12-liseys-story-by-stephen-king.html">Lisey's Story </a>by Stephen King<br />3. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/08/book-21-fool-by-christopher-moore.html">Fool</a> by Christopher Moore<br /><br />Lessons Learned: Zzzzzzz.....<br /><br /><b>Best "Damn! White Suburbanites Have it Tough, Yo" Books of 2011:</b><br /><br />1. Little Children by Tom Pirrotta<br />2. Freedom by Jonathan Franzen <br />3. Needful Things by Stephen King<br />4. <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/10/book-28-one-day-by-dave-nicholls.html">One Day </a>by Dave Nicholls<br />5. The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson<br /><br />Lessons Learned: The problems of suburbanites can make for really awesome books.<br /><br /><B>Favorite Heroines of 2011</b>:<br />http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif<br />1. Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games Trilogy<br />2. Sookie Stackhouse, <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/02/book-7-dead-until-dark-by-charlaine.html">The Southern Vampir</a>e Series<br />3. Elizabeth I, <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/02/book-5-life-of-elizabeth-i-by-alison.html">The Life of Elizabeth I</a><br />4. Arya Stark , <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/12/books-33-37-song-of-ice-and-fire-by.html">A Song of Ice and Fire</a><br />5. Liesel Meminger, <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/11/book-32-book-thief-by-markus-zusak.html">The Book Thief</a><br /><br />Lessons Learned: Chicks are <i>awesome</i>, man. Modern literature really is creating some badass females, and I love it. Also, Elizabeth I kicked all kinds of ass.<br /><br /><b>Favorite Heroes</b><br /><br />1. Tyrion Lannister, <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/12/books-33-37-song-of-ice-and-fire-by.html">A Song of Ice and Fire</a><br />2. Biff, <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/12/book-38-lamb-gospel-according-to-biff.html">Lamb</a><br />3. Oskar Schindler, Schindler's List<br />4. That One Yonkers Dude from World War Z<br />5. Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D'Artagnan: The Three Musketeers<br /><br />Lessons Learned: Duuuuuudes. Dudes are cool. <br /><br /><b>Favorite Villains of 2011</b>:<br /><br />1. The Zombies, World War Z<br />2. Everything, <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/01/book-1-catch-22-by-joseph-heller.html">Catch-22</a><br />3. Leland Gaunt, Needful Things<br />4. The Capitol, The Hunger Games Trilogy<br />5. Lord Voldemort, <a href="http://figgylicious.blogspot.com/2011/01/book-2-harry-potter-and-half-blood.html">The Harry Potter Series</a><br /><br /><b>Best Comic Book, Not That I Read A Lot of Them, But This One Is Still Awesome</b>:<br /><br />1. Hark! A Vagrant! by Kate Beaton-- you can read her comic on her <a href="http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php">website</a>. Do it!<br /><br />Lessons learned: Kate Beaton is amazing. <br /><br /><b>Best People on the Internet for Recommending Books</b>:<br /><br />1.<a href="http://www.pajiba.com/">Pajiba</a><br /><br />Lessons learned: Listen to Pajibans when it comes to books.<br /><br />*****<br /><br />Damn, I love making lists.<br /><br />Anyway, here's to some good books in 2012!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-80307477428845203002011-12-17T13:27:00.001-06:002011-12-17T13:28:15.892-06:00Book #38: "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Friend" by Christopher MooreRead it. As soon as possible.<br /><br />It's a complete riot. The premise is this: the titular character, Biff, has been brought back from the dead in the year 2000 so he could write a gospel about Jesus' life up until he turned 33 and became famous--pretty much everything that's missing from the Bible.<br /><br />Turns out that Jesus (or Joshua in the book) had a pretty exciting life before all that other good stuff he did in the New Testament. Him and Levi Who is Called Biff go on a quest to find the three Wise Men who came to witness Joshua's birth, so that maybe they'll give Joshua some advice as to how to become the Messiah. They end up wandering around for 16 years, learning about other ancient religions in Persia, India and Tibet. Then they get back and things get back to what we already know happened. Only, of course, we never got the whole story before.<br /><br />It's so much fun to read. Biff is the kind of friend I think we all have, an impulsive, sex-crazed smartass who is weak of flesh but fiercely loyal to Joshua. Joshua is also hilarious: Moore makes him completely human and approachable. While he does recite some prophetic wise sayings, he also gets frustrated easily and becomes fluent in sarcasm and creative swearing. He has a great sense of humor even while carrying around the huge responsibility that is being God's only son. Their friendship is at the core of the story and what makes it so great--they're both different but constantly play off each other, and their exchanges are just so damn fun and smart that the story only gets bogged down when the two aren't alone together.<br /><br />The book is a bit slow towards the start, so it's really when they leave Jerusalem that thins get really good. There's elements of the supernatural sprinkled here and there--they battle demons and Joshua manages to make himself invisible. It's incredibly funny, but also dark and somber in spots, which makes for a completely engrossing read. There's genuinely touching scenes, and the ending (which we all know, really) had me in tears because of the incredible journey the two made together. The best thing, though, is that they're just two guys, one of whom just happens to be the Messiah. They have fun together, they argue, they call each other names and feel embarrassed of one another. They're just two great friends.<br /><br />I can't recommend it enough. It may take a bit to get used to the anachronisms (of language, mostly, and it's just so damn funny that you don't mind it after a while). Moore is a great writer, and he clearly loves his characters and the story.<br /><br />And it's worth reading for two things that I loved more than anything in the book(and I loved just about the entire thing): One, the scenes between Biff and the Angel. The latter becomes obsessed with modern television, specially soap operas. The second is the scene where Joshua resurrects Lazarus--just to give you a taste, he refuses to come out of the cave because he's "All icky".<br /><br />I'm still laughing at that.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-79273666462767992982011-12-15T14:46:00.001-06:002011-12-15T14:47:45.094-06:00Books 33-37: "A Song of Ice and Fire" by George R.R. Martin<i>It'd be exhausting to write full, separate reviews for these books (and I think, exhausting to read as well), so here's a spoiler-free super fast review of the series for you. I'm lazy, you're lazy, it all works out! </i><br /><br />Let me get this out of the way: This is, far and above, the best fantasy series I've read since <i>Lord of the Rings</i>. Granted, I'm not that much of a fantasy buff, so I might be talking nonsense, but I think most of the crazies would agree: This series kicks all kinds of ass. It has an amazing, fascinating world, fantastic characters, political intrigue, complicated plots, romances, blood feuds, vicious battles, carnage galore, ghosts, zombies, dragons, dwarves--<i>everything</i>. It's a massive story, each book easily 1000 pages, but the only problem with that is how much your hands will hurt from lugging them around after you've been unable to stop reading for 8 hours straight. <br /><br />They get a little bogged down under their own weight from time to time, but the one thing to know about these books is that they'll always get back up to full speed. Pick one up and you won't be able to stop. But beware: George R.R. Martin took 6 years between writing books 4 and 5, and who knows when he'll be able to finish the last two books in the series. I tried to be strong and not read them until he was done writing them, but then HBO came out with the show and it looked amazing with the swords and fighting and the Sean Bean and I HAD to read. <br /><br />Now, if you're wondering whether to read the books or watch the show first? I'd go with the former. Sure, you'll miss out on being shocked by the ending, but I think it'll be easier to keep the characters straight, and it's definitely worth it to watch the actors bring the characters to life.<br /><br />A few more quick tips:<br /><br />1) Don't get too attached to anyone. This man is not afraid to kill off everyone and everything in sight.<br />2) It's graphic, violent and sometimes more than a little crude. This isn't a series for the faint of heart.<br />3) Seriously, set aside a weekend or two and tell everyone you know that you will be unavailable for a few days. Once you start, you won't be able to stop.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-88835904497408132532011-11-22T14:22:00.000-06:002011-11-22T14:23:26.049-06:00Book #32: The Book Thief by Markus ZusakRemember last time, when I told you the books that left me feeling like one giant ball of sadness, almost drowning in dramatic sobs and tears? This was one of them. In fact, I don't think I have <i>ever</i> cried this hard at a book of fiction before. Just thinking about it makes me feel like crying. I don't think I'd ever read a book more beautiful, unique and heartbreaking. <br /><br />The most fascinating thing about the book, and what helps make it so unique and powerful is that it's narrated by Death. He (or It, I think) is an omniscent observer, who has decided to tell us the heartbreaking story of a young girl named Liesel, who lives in Germany during World War 2. After losing her mother and brother, she is adopted by two Germans, Hans and Rosa Bubermann . Her adoptive father is quiet but strong, her mother rough around the edges, but it's clear that they love each other, and Liesel, very much. <br /><br />One night the local Nazis stage a book burning, and Liesel, fascinated and confused, sneaks in and steals one of the books about to be burned. It becomes her greatest treasure, and she becomes The Book Thief. A while later a knock comes in the middle of the night and Liesel must share in another secret: a runaway Jew named Max has come to ask the Hubermanns for a hiding place, and they take him in despite the great danger he represents for them <br /><br /> We see the events of the war unfold around the family, slowly and distantly at first, but becoming more and more real as the war progresses, right to their front door during the Allies' bombing of Germany. They're affected right from the start, when Liesel's father tries to join the Nazi party to protect his family, and when Liesel's best friend Rudy joins the Nazi Youth. It's a different, harrowing perspective and I was grateful for it. <br /><br />The voice of Death is Zusak's greatest accomplishment in this book. Death is detached, seemingly emotionless at times, but there is a great, eternal sadness to the character. The writing is simple but incredibly beautiful and at times almost poetic.Every now and then a simple phrase would just break my heart. <br /><br />I can't even find the proper words to describe how much this book moved me, and I'm afraid that the review isn't doing it justice. Even now I still feel the power of the story, and it's been a while since I read it. Almost as soon as I was done (after I finished sobbing my heart out, that is) I wanted to read it all over again. It's by far one of the best books I have ever read, and one that I'll recommend to everyone I know. I'll recommend they get a box of tissues to go with it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-32276737836054501752011-11-19T14:10:00.001-06:002011-11-19T14:12:15.467-06:00Book #31: "The Color Purple" by Alice WalkerThere are very few books that have made me cry. I can count them on one hand: <I>The Time Traveler's Wife</i>, <i>A Thousand Splendid Suns</i>, and <i>The Book Thief</i>. Now I have to add <i>The Color Purple</i> to the list, because this book slayed me. <br /><br />This is the story of Celie and her sister, told through diary entries and letters to each other. Celie is a poor black girl who has always had a miserable life-- abused as a child, then married off to an abusive, violent husband after her father gets her pregnant and then gives away her children. Her sister, Nettie, moves in with them, but it doesn't last long- the husband tries to rape her and her sister must run away, so Celie loses the only thing in her life that she cares about. From then on she writes letters to her sister, detailing her miserable, lonely life, not even knowing whether her sister is alive or not.<br /><br />Celie is an incredibly powerful narrator. She doesn't wallow in her sadness, but tells her story in a sadly detached way, detailing the miseries of her life while also hoping that there is something in the future for her. Her life slowly begins to change, once her husband's lover, Shug Avery, comes into her life. Shug is her complete opposite--powerful, independent, a force of nature who doesn't take shit from anyone and reduces Mister to nothing. At first Celie resents her, but slowly they become friends (and lovers) and Celie finally begins to love herself, and thus begins to shine.<br /><br />It's this aspect of the book that got me. Celie starts out as miserable a character as I've ever read, but her transformation into her own person is incredibly touching and powerful. This is a book about women overcoming obstacles by relying on themselves and other women. There's an impressive cast of female characters, all vastly different but united in their shared desire to become more than their situations allow them to be. <br /><br />I loved this book. Celie's voice is so strong and the story is touching and memorable. I was crying, both from sharing Celie's heartbreak, but also because of how much she manages to overcome and change. Read this. It's hard, and sometimes brutal to read sometimes, but it's also an incredibly good read.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-61738181624859220952011-11-04T17:36:00.005-05:002011-11-15T18:47:10.236-06:00Book #30: "Little Children" by Tom PerottaThe first thing to know about this book is that the title refers not to actual children, but to full-grown people who act in ways that make them no better than children. Greedy, selfish, pouting children. This is a book about rich suburbanites who are profoundly unhappy, and the sometimes stupid things they do to try and change this. It's stark and unforgiving, but also sympathetic. And one hell of a read.<br /><br />The book deals with a group of people living in a perfectly suburban, affluent neighborhood. The families live the American dream: nice houses, nice children, nice jobs. But they're all wildly unhappy. They all seem to think they have something more coming to them, that they need to be <i>more</I> perfect, or richer, that they don't deserve their problems and why should they have it so hard? In short, they're more child-like than their actual children. They want what they want and will throw a tantrum (or rather, have affairs) when they don't get their way. Like spoiled children, they think they deserve what they want, for no real reason other than they want it.<br /><br />Though this sounds wildly unpleasant, the characters are sometimes strangely sympathetic. The story focuses mainly on four or five characters and their children: There's Sarah, a sad former-feminist who doesn't seem to quite understand how she ended up a housewife with a daughter she doesn't understand and a husband, Richard, whom she doesn't love. She falls into an affair with Todd, a handsome stay-at-home dad who is married to Kathy, a beautiful professional woman. Sarah and Todd are the more childlike of the group, so dissatisfied with their lives that they try having an affair seemingly just to have something exciting to do. They're surrounded by all the usual people of a small suburban neighborhood--the over-protective soccer moms, the guys who love football, everyone with their little stories and secret miseries. The story of the new neighbor, who happens to be a convicted sexual offender, is particularly affecting.<br /><br />Reading this book I was equally annoyed and saddened by the characters. They're sometimes infuriating in their childish, selfish ways, but you also get the feeling that there's probably a lot of people out there who feel the same way they do. So the characters all feel very realistic, in a way that feels a little uncomfortable to read sometimes. Perotta doesn't hold back his punches, telling the story in an almost detached, clinical way that just gets to you. <br /><br />It's not an easy book to read, and the characters might put you off entirely, but it's definitely not a book I'll forget anytime soon. Some scenes just stick with you, and I know I'll look out for more of Perotta's work.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1863254096032296345.post-3645057076539355352011-10-04T16:15:00.003-05:002011-10-27T17:39:10.497-05:00Book 28: "One Day" by Dave Nicholls<i>One Day</i> is the story of the very long and tumultuous friendship of Dexter and Emma. The book begins when they are just finishing college and starting out in the real world, and it goes on to check on them every year for about 20 years on roughly the same day--Dexter's birthday. It's a sweet, fun story about friendship and growing up, and one of the most relatable books I've read recently. <br /><br />The book begins when Emma and Dexter meet and sort-of hookup at a party after their graduation from college. Dexter is living the dream; he's handsome, rich and a hit with the ladies. Emma is bookish and shy and has had a crush on Dexter for a while. Their hookup is mostly forgettable to him (he likes her enough to be her friend but nothing more), but it means everything to her. After that they part ways, with Dexter becoming almost instantly successful as a TV presenter without working very hard at all, and Emma floundering to find something meaningful to do after college. We check in on them as they go through their 20s, always keeping in touch with each other, with their friendship growing now stronger and then weaker through the years. But they're always there in each other's minds--at first it's Emma who needs Dexter, but eventually Dexter comes to need her even more than she does him. <br /><br />It's a wonderfully engaging story about friendship and growing up, and though that sounds kind of cliche and cheesy, I think most people of my generation could easily relate to one of the two main characters. Emma's story definitely hit close to my heart--those days as she's trying to figure out who she is and what she wants to do and never feeling quite sure of herself? Yeah, that was me in my early 20s. Hell, I still feel like that sometimes. As for Dexter I could easily think of three or four people I know who are exactly like him: vain, always winning at everything, seemingly perfect but always wanting something more. It was all very easy to relate to. <br /><br />I mostly really liked this book. There were a few times when the story slowed down a little too much, but I think it fit in with the idea that you're looking at the lives of two very ordinary people, and ordinary lives aren't always that exciting. The best thing about it, though, was how real and sweet the friendship between the two characters was. Sometimes they argue and hurt each other, but it just makes their love for each other stronger, and I think we all have at least one friendship like that. The only part I didn't much care for was the ending, but the least I say about that the better. This is one book where the journey is worth the disappointing destination. <br /><br />And how's that last sentence for cliched and cheesy?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0