CHAPTER 7: NIGHTMARE
[as in: this BOOK is a nightmare! hyuck hyuck!]
Fast n Hard:
Bella does research on vampires and misses Eddie. That's it, plot wise. Big picture-wise,
Real Time Notes:
-Klutz has a dream and Jacob's there. He turns into a wolf *roll eyes* and Ed comes striding along all shiny. *rolls eyes right out of head*. Ow, my optic nerve.
- She has to describe every single thing she does before checking the internet. She tells us she picked up the CD player, then the headphones, then the modem made a noise, and she watched some dust, then she stared off into space, then she scratched her left nut...
-So she does some research, to show us that Poop really did some research about vampires. And bitch still made them sparkly. Ugh. How insulting. Bram Stoker is rolling in his grave. YOU ARE CURSED FOR LIFE, STEPHANIE MEYER. Eric the Viking is so gonna come over and bitchslap you one day.
-She goes for a walk, sits down and reads a book. This all takes like three pages to describe.
-[about Eddie Sparkles]"And the way be sometimes spoke, with unfamiliar cadences and phrases that better fit the style of a turn-of-the-century novel than that of a twenty-first-century classroom."
No. No. He talks like a harlequin romance character, because that's the extent of Poop's knowledge about 'ye olden times'.
-She seems to think she only has two options--stay away from him (IMPOSSIBLE) or just go with it (YAY HE IS PRETTY) so, that's it. This is the least conflicting conflict I've ever read about.
- Bella is writing a paper on "Whether Shakespeare's treatment of the female characters is misogynistic" and I crack up in derision because there could be entire libraries filled with books on how these books are misogynistic.
-Oh goody. We get to read about her talking on the phone with Jessica about going shopping, then about her taking a NAP and then talking about food with dad AND THIS IS REALLY FUCKING BORING.
Final Impressions: fuck all happened. I start to think that this wouldn't be so insufferable if the protagonist were at least mildly interesting. But no, we're stuck with Klutz McBlandy and I hate her.
Final Grade: F for being completely unnecessary.
Hmmm...I was gonna do two chapter but I better hold on to this next one, because it's long and painful and as usual, I wrote too much about it. Also, I need to take a shower and do laundry.