Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Announcing the Pain

So Lost was fucking awesome. But that's not what this post is about.

This is about how I started to read Twilight. I didn't buy it and I don't care.

It's going very slowly. First because I decided to take notes on each chapter, so I can do recaps and post them here for your reading pleasure. Or my own, really, because I'm not sure if anybody reads this. Plus it's really fun to make fun of a book so shitty.

I don't really get the people who say this book is addictive, because I have to force myself to keep reading and I'm only on chapter 7. It's boring me to tears, honestly, as there's only so much I want to read about a bitchy teen's daily lives, so some chapter recaps are gonna be mostly "this shit is boring". But hey, this way you don't have to read it yourself! I'm doing a public service here.

So that's what I'll be posting tomorrow, I think maybe the first five chapters, maybe there'll be pictures. I realize I'm not the first idiot on the internet to do this, but mine will be SPECIAL, coated in that special brand of figgy awesomeness that you all know and love.

The last, and biggest reason to read it is because I, being a Pop Culture Addict, MUST know what the big fucking deal is. I have to know what draws people in to this, and I have to gather some more fuel for the critiques. In the interests of full disclosure, I've read the awesome Cleolinda's Twilight Summaries, so I know just about everything that happens in these damned books. No surprises here, aside from the bad writing and sudden flares of rageyness. Also, I must share the pain with everyone and save you the trouble of ever reading the books yourself out of suicidal curiosity.

So tune in. I hope that, if anything, it'll get me back into the writing groove. I've been feeling rather...incoherent in my writing lately, and for that I blame facebook and the Pajiba message boards. There's something about commenting in quick bouts of capslock that leads to laziness and forgetting about eloquence in favor of a quick note or joke. It's not good for the brains. Must correct that.


Anonymous said...

I am reading! And I look forward to your Twilight posts. I found the first book boring as well. There's just too much 'And they sat next to each other in science not doing anything.' And the writing was painful at times. Or most of the time. I think possibly she got better as the books went on, or I just became immune to it.

The Caustic Critic said...

I am also reading! Though please don't put yourself through the torture of Twilight on my account--I have already chosen sides in the trashy vampire literature wars...Sookie Stackhouse FTW!

Figgylicious said...

Hey, thanks guys! I always figure that people are either not reading or just terrible at commenting like I am. But I'll start posting soon, I promise.

Sin said...

i don't understand the addiction part either. i read the first one because the movie was coming out, saw the movie, thought "meh" and ended it there. tho i guess i did read the plot summaries on wikipedia to find out what happens (it all sounded lame). the writing didn't help, to me it was too much of "today i did this, and then this happened, and then i did this," like reading someone's bad journal.