A dream is a wish your inner-geek makes

Had a series of truly bizarre dreams last night. These are the ones I remember:

1) Waking up in the middle of the night because our microwave (which is from the 1800s and doesn't work) was giving off sparks. I ran to the bedroom, (because in my dreams I'm a complete spaz, apparently) and tried to wake up MrFig. He wouldn't budge and I had to freak out and yell "FIRE!" in his ear to wake him up. Finally he did. He marched into the kitchen and unplugged the microwave.

Conclusion: dream me is an idiot in panicky situations. Also, too much King of the Hill. You know, that one episode where they're volunteer firemen and they set the building on fire with a busted beer sign? That one.

2) There was some kind of evil institution that was kidnapping girls and turning them into idiots. By sucking out their brain power or something. So myself and a crack team of heroes (I think I remember my sister and one of my former students) decided to bust in and rescue the dumb damsels. To identify each other as 'smarties' we cut up a big day-glo sheet and glued bits of it to our hands. I remember it glowed. So then we went in, but the institution staff came in and we had to pretend to be dumb girls. An orderly came in to the room that I had run to and tried to read me a book. I had to pretend I couldn't understand anything and couldn't, for some reason, talk. Then he said "I'll make you a hologram!" and he tore a strip of paper from the book, folded it in half and said "TA-DA!"

Conclusion: too many Shutter Island trailers. Also, what the fuck.

3) There was a big dance/singing competition in this basement theater. There were some girls I knew from college there. So people went up to the stage in groups or by themselves, and they started singing and dancing. I remember one group of girls went up and lip-synched to a Beatles song I'd never heard but somehow recognized in my dream. I clapped.

Conclusion: I blame Jezebel. Harlot.

4) Went shopping at Macy's at the mall. There had been some gigantic sale, apparently, and almost all the shelves (in the 'Home' area) were empty. There were only a few shelves full of Christmas stuff, and some Easter things as well. I remember I fought my way through the crowd and picked up a sparkly, round Christmas ornament. It was expensive, but I remember thinking that I would convince MrFig that it was somehow vital that I have this. I went down the escalator but found myself at the baby section. OH NO. There was a table with a registry for a baptism, and I thought of how ridiculous that was before I got on the escalator going up.

Conclusion: the hell?

**

I think that's it. I can conclude that I watch way too much TV, too many ads, and that my brain is a moron when I sleep.

At least I get to wake up laughing?