Monday, February 9, 2009

In which figgy goes shopping...doesn't like it.


I went dress shopping today. I need a dress for my friend Michelle's wedding next Saturday (so you know what I'll be doing on V-Day), so I decided to brave the Mall and torture myself with the usual experience of shopping for things in my size.

The awesome news: I've lost six pounds and gone from a 14 to a 12. I don't know how this happened, all I know is that the 14s were all loose on me and the 12s fit me perfectly.

The not-so-awesome-but-still-pretty-good news: My boobs are still way too big to fit into most dresses.

I kept staring at them all angrily. There were a couple of gorgeous dresses that fit me everywhere, except that they pushed my boobs up to my neck and I could barely breathe. DAMNIT. And there was this one pretty dress that had some ridiculous padding in the chest area so that it made it look like I had badly stuffed kleenex in them. Hello, I don't NEED any more.

Oh it was horrible. I mean, I'm not really complaining (OH NO I HAVE BREASTS WOE), it can just be frustrating. And I don't get it. If you're making a dress that fits more curvy figures, why the HELL do you make the bust an A cup? DOES NOT COMPUTE.

There was also the awesomeness of having the zipper on one dress get STUCK on its way down and having to get the saleslady (thankfully she was uber-nice about it) AND my mom into the dressing room to try and get it down. IT WAS STUCK. For like 5 minutes the damned thing wouldn't move. I think we got it off out of sheer willpower.

Anyway. I hate shopping. It's torture and I don't like spending money. Whenever some cheap chick flick touts the supposedly 'universal' truth that all women love to shop, I want to punch somebody in the face. I was very glad, however, to see that SOME of the best stores at the mall are catering to normal-sized women and selling things over a size 8. Very awesome clothes, too. Need moneys.

I love the dress I bought. It was one of the first I tried on, but I decided to keep going for about....oh, 8 or 10 more before I decided that I don't care if maybe it isn't so formal for a night wedding (it's an off-white background with a large sunflower print over it), as everyone's gonna be sloshed anyway and I'll probably never see those people again in my life. All I know is that I look damn good in it (seriously it has this awesome 60's silhouette that I love) and it's very me and I can wear it again.

I seriously need my own stylist, and a tailor/designer. That would be sweet.


Rusty said...

Maybe the people who make the 12-14s with A cup sized busts should switch patterns with the makers of 0-2 sized dresses with busts built for double Ds.

Not that I spent a large portion of high school and college trying on dresses only to encounter what I liked to call "the chasm of sadness" between my chest and the dress material and subsequently believing that I would never look sexy or feminine. Oh no, that was some other girl.

Marra Alane said...

As someone with enormous, Christina Hendricks-sized boobs, I feel your pain. I usually have to buy a size or two up and get things tailored when I have to go formal, which means everything I buy is $20 more expensive. Boo shopping.

And Genny, 'The Chasm of Sadness' made me laugh out loud.

Figgylicious said...

Chasm of Sadness. That's beautiful. Hee.

Jeremy Feist said...

Okay, I hate clothes shopping, although I do have a fancy for just shopping in general. Honestly, If you give me anything liquid, it will be gone in seconds flat.

And if it makes you feel any better, I have absolutely no ass. Not like I have a toned ass or anything, I mean I have no ass. There's this sad little void where my ass should be. *Sob*