Sunday, May 3, 2009

The Sunday Hot Post: X-Men Edition

There's been a lot of Wolverine: X-Men Origins talk lately. The marketing has been insane, and it starts the big Summer Movie Season.

Ever since it premiered on Friday, however, most of the talk has revolved over how much the movie sucks.

Of course it sucks. Did anyone, from the moment the idea of a spin-off after the weakest of the X-Men movie was floated around, think that it would not suck? Come on. You knew, and I knew, and everyone knew that it was going to be a brainless, fun blockbuster with lots of explosions and good-looking people.

And I want to see this. It makes no sense. It's doubtless a horrible movie, and giving it money will only encourage Hollywood to keep making atrocities and ruining our childhood memories. I shouldn't watch it. You shouldn't watch it. No one should watch it.

I'll still watch it. And if none of my excuses are valid (mindless fun, good time, crap blowing up everywhere ), then I'll just point out the most basic reason why I want to watch this.

The beefcake. Pure and simple. Sometimes one just wants to see some hot men taking off their shirts, getting sweaty and bloody amidst an orgy of CGI explosions and superpowers.

And I refuse to feel guilty about it. So, here they are. The X-Men. If you're wondering why it made so much money, this could be an explanation.

1. Hugh Jackman (Wolverine)

Here's the thing about me and Hugh Jackman. I suffer from what I call the Viggo/Aragorn Syndrome. The idea is this: When he is clean and neatly shaven, I don't find the actor attractive. At all. I am completely indifferent. There is something there, but no sparks.

And then they show up in a movie all sweaty and hairy and ACTION HERO and it's BAM. There goes my indifference. He's a completely new man. And oh boy, he is hot. Examples of this are Viggo Mortensen (nothing. But as Aragorn? YOW.) and this man. Hugh Jackman.

Eeeh. He's...alright I guess.

Oh. Oh my. Yes. Yes, please.



Sorry I was gone for a while. OK moving on.

2. Liev Schrieber (Sabertooth)

Though not really known for his hotness (outside the fighouse, of course), this guy is a ridiculously good looking specimen. And a fantastic actor to boot. He's serious, intense, and he's made some pretty good movies. And oh man, he's hot.

Alright. It's a hot-off.

I make vests look hot.

He's shirtless. And feeding a baby. It's ridiculous. You're welcome.

3. Taylor Kitsch (Gambit)

I don't really know that much about him. Other than he's shirtless a lot. Hmm...maybe I don't really need to know anything else.

Dang. He sure is purdy. That smile makes rainbows happen.

All-American Hot Dude.

mmm. brooding.

4. Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool)

I'll say this right at the start: I'm not a big RR fan. He strikes me as something of a douchy frat boy. And I'm not really into frat-boy types.

But damn if the guy isn't built like a greek deity. And he makes it almost impossible not to like him. I hate him a little for not letting me hate him completely. Damn him and his shirtlessness.

I can't believe I watched this movie. But can you blame me?


Dammit. Stop looking at me like that. DAMMIT. Stop being so cute. ARGH.

5. Dominic Monaghan

I remember when I first heard of this guy. It was way back before Fellowship of the Ring came out, and every woman around was going insane over the cast. I guiltily admit that I fixated on Dominic Monaghan more than was strictly necessary. But really, he was Merry, my favorite character, and he was just freakin' adorable. And then he went on Lost and I hated him a little but he's still adorable. I hear he doesn't do much in X-Men, but any excuse is good when doing these things.

Confession: I kind of have a thing for big ears. A big thing.




I rest my case.

And as a parting blow, here's a completely gratuitious photo of Hugh Jackman. Shirtless. In a towel. Sweaty. With a golf club.

You are welcome.

I hope this drove away some of the end-of-the-week blues.

Have a great week!


Anna von Beaverplatz said...

Once again, THANK YOU. Oh Ryan Reynolds. (Blade: Trinity is the only Blade movie I had on DVD for a while there [although I did finally at least get the first one].)Oh, Taylor Kitsch. Oh my oh my oh my.

I ... I have to go now.

Rusty said...

My biggest complaint with Wolverine was that Jackman and Reynolds were the only two that got shirtless. I mean, Liev Schriber apparently went on some huge kick to put on the muscle the role called for and you're gonna keep him bundled up the whole time?

Taylor Kitsch is just dangerous. There's a part in the movie where he gives Jackman that sultry side glance thing he does and I just realized that if that boy ever looked at me that way I would do anything he said. Dangerous.

Lainey said...

Oh, Taylor and Ryan. I*sigh*...Oh, Taylor and Ryan.

There just aren't words for the joy they bring to my nethers...

Lizzie said...

Yanno, Hugh doesn't do a whole lot for me.

RR on the other hand? Oh hells yeah.

And even more than that? That would be Dom. Y'all can keep Taylor, I'll take the ex-Hobbit! ;)

amanda said...

And to round out the love, I LOVE Lieve Schreiber. I have for a long, long time. But I've never seen him shirtless. And I think that now, my life is complete.