I was just mulling over how blissfully quiet the neighbors had been this morning. I was able to sleep late, without being awakened by hammering, whistling, yelling, dogs barking or any of the other typical neighbor noises that make me hate them so intensely. The hammering. Oi.
I have a sneaking suspicion that one of them (the one whose house is about 2 feet away from my bedroom window) is a secret sculptor carving a 20 foot statue of Baal in the middle of his three-story house (why the fuck do you need a three-story house for three people?) and that's why I've been hearing hammering sounds (*tinktinktinktink*)coming from his house every day, all day long, for about two years now. TWO YEARS.
It's either the giant Baal statue or...hell, I can't even think of what else these people could be doing to their house for two years. When Graham was here year before last we speculated, and came to the sculpting solution. Because, really. It's the weirdest thing ever.
And when there's no hammer sounds coming from the house, it's the sound of the guy WHISTLING. ALL DAY LONG. And no coherent, melodious whistling, either. Just the same three or four notes OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN until I think my brain might explode. I counterattack by playiing really loud music out my window, but I can still hear him*. I think this guy just wanders around the house, doing nothing at all, just whistling. Probably as a ritual to Baal.
Wait...where was I?
Oh yeah, this morning everything was all quiet, I slept, and here I was wondering whether he had finished his master sculpture that will destroy us all, when I hear the melodious sounds of an electric saw.
ELECTRIC FRAKKING SAW. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?! WHAT??? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY NEED AN ELECTRIC SAW FOR? I NEED TO KNOW!
I need to build me a spy robot. STAT.
*Ooh, this reminds me of something awesome that happened a couple of weeks ago. It was Sunday morning, when everyone at the house sleeps until at least noon. It's Sunday. That's what you do. Anyway, it was about 9am (UNGODLY hour if you ask me) and I'm awakened by NoisyNeighbor (I have more insulting names but I'm trying to cut down on the naughty language here) and his ungodly whistling. I grr and argh, trying to work up the courage to yell at him to shut up (I've tried sushing before but he ignores it), when suddenly I hear my brother's window open up and the following exchange happens:
Figbro2: SHUT UP OLD MAN !["CALLESE VIEJO" in spanish, much funnier]
Neighbor: WHAT IT BOTHERS YOU!
Figbro2: SHUT UP!
Neighbor: THIS ISN'T CHURCH!
Figbro2: WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!
And he shut up. HE SHUT UP. He went back into his house and there was no more whistling! MIRACULOUS! of course, I was too busy cracking up in my bed to go back to sleep, but oh man it was awesome.
Since then the whistling has stopped (at least on weekends) for the most part, though I can still hear him in the middle of the day. But seems like the early morning tuneless whistling sessions have stopped. HALLELUJAH!
OK now this entry's gone on too long. I'm outzors.