If there's anything I hate more than reading a bad book, it's to be disappointed by a book I thought would be good. I came into this one with high hopes, as I had heard nothing but good things about it-funny, tragic, original, etc- and I could not have been more disappointed. I'm still not sure how I got through this plodding, miserable and depressing read, but it must have been a combination of stubbornness and of my dislike for leaving any book unfinished.
The story is set in Argentina in the 1970s, during a military dictatorship; a particularly dark time in the country's history. Kaddish Poznan is Jewish, the son of a prostitute, and he specializes in erasing the names off tombs in the Jewish cemetery; specifically, the closed-off section that houses the tombs of pimps and prostitutes. He is paid to do this by wealthy Jews who don't want to be associated with their darker pasts. He's reluctantly assisted by his son, Pato, a young college student with communist leanings. His wife, Lilian, works as a secretary and dotes on their son.
One day their son disappears for seemingly no reason at all. His disappearance takes over all of Lilian's life, as she spends days and days at the Ministry of Special Cases, a bizarre building that's a bureaucratic nightmare, where people are made to wait outside in the sun for hours and days just for a turn to talk to someone who can't help them. Kaddish, less optimistic than his wife, is pretty sure their son is dead.
And I just didn't give a damn about any of it. Aside from the terrible flashbacks of Honduran bureaucracy brought up by the scenes at the Ministry, this whole book just washed over me and left me feeling completely and utterly bored. None of it ever connected; not the characters or their terrible tragedy, not the setting, nothing at all. Which was just surprising to me, because I thought that I'd readily connect to a book that deals with a story that was repeated all through Latin America in the 70s and 80s--my parents lived through this, and still I didn't give a damn what happened to any of these characters!
It's hard for me to remember why all I felt for this book was an overwhelming sense of apathy. I think a big part of it was that the characters didn't feel like real people to me. They were like ghosts, and for all that Englander documents Lilian's misery, it just felt so clinical to me. Lilian and Kaddish felt like they lived in completely different worlds, which I suppose was the point (they never connect to each other), but to me they felt like characters in two completely different stories. I never felt that the two were even remotely connected. Pato is just a sketch of a character, and it was hard to grasp just what the character was like, or why I should care about him.
The writing felt dry and heartless to me. Scenes were disjointed and there didn't seem to be a running thread through the whole thing. I think we were supposed to feel the same sense of confusion and isolation that Lilian felt in her search for her son, but I don't think we were supposed to feel completely outside of it, to the point where you just stop caring about the whole thing.
I don't know if this will make much sense to anyone, but to me, the book felt like a bad Spanish-to-English translation of a better book. It felt as if the words didn't quite fit, as if they would maybe have more of an impact in a different language; as if it had been written by a very dry, very bad translator. The words just didn't fit the story. I really hate that I can't explain it any better than that, but maybe it'll make some sense to someone.
I came into this with high expectations, and they were dashed pretty quickly. I kept expecting the story to pick up, for the writing to get smoother, to start caring about the characters. But that never happened. Though there are scenes of graphic violence and what I guess is supposed to be terrible sadness, I never felt anything but apathetic towards this book. I didn't hate it; I just didn't care.
I guess they can't all be winners. I'm just annoyed that this one wasn't.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Book #10: "Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl" by Tracy Quan
Oh, sweet Jeebus on a cracker, what a terrible turd of a book this was. Let me tell you the many, many ways in which this book quickly launched itself to the very top of my Trash list.
Our protagonist, Nancy Chan, is a high-end call-girl. She has always wanted to be a prostitute (um...ok, whatever), and at 20 something she's raking in the money by having sex with creepy, rich, old guys. She is also -oh, no! the conundrum!- engaged to a rich, incredibly bland dude (more like a cardboard cutout for all the personality he has) and is being pressured by her ditzy friend to join a group that promotes the rights of sex-workers.
That should be...at least kind of fun to read, wouldn't you think? After all, the cover quoted "Cosmopolitan" (oh that bastion of high literature and fun, fun times!) saying that it was "chock full of dirty secrets!" (or some shit like that), so you really shouldn't expect more than a bunch of dirty sex scenes and fun in the high life of sex with balding men in their 60s! The cover had a BUTT on it! How could we go wrong in our pursuit of a mindlessly fun book to read quickly in boring moments? HOW!
By doing every single thing that you could possibly do wrong in writing a book. First: Make your book into a "diary", because God knows that shit isn't done to death, especially in chick-lit. Hey, it worked for Bridget Jones, and how hard can it be? Start by making your protagonist into an insufferable, spineless, whiny little victim who goes to the therapist a lot to whine about her stupid little problems that she could easily get out of if she had even the slightest bit of self-respect. Then, have her pepper her journal entries with inane little asides, a lot of "dirty" words (Oh, my! she said "pussy"! How naughty!) and a lot of boring stories about having sex with disgusting old men who want to have sex with young girls and pay to do it in fancy hotels in between business meetings. Have her friends be walking, reprehensible female stereotypes of the worst sort (Allison is ditzy! Jasmine is a total power slut! Her fiance's sister is a bitch because she's got a powerful job!) , and add a fiance who seems to be a complete fuckwit who somehow hasn't discovered that his fiance is a prostitute. Add to it a painfully boring subplot involving a bunch of bra-burning feminist stereotypes, a lot of seriously pathetic 'dramatic' moments (oh, no! she forgot to bring condoms! WHAT IS SHE TO DO!) and you have just one big painful insult to not only women and prostitutes, but to the entire world and very existence of books.
Just...holy hell, this book was irritating. Worse, it was boring. It starts off with one of those stupid little sex scenes that seem to have been written by a 15 year old girl who isn't quite sure how sex works but thinks that saying 'pussy' and 'cock' and 'whore' a lot immediately makes something titillating. But, no. It's just boring. You might as well be reading a recipe book for all the excitement that's in it. Nothing even remotely exciting happens to this chick, but somehow she does nothing but whine about how difficult her life is, mostly because she has incredibly stupid friends. I wanted to take this girl aside and just tell it plain to her face: If something in your life is giving you shit, get the fuck rid of it. If your friend is a pain in the ass who makes you do things you don't want to do, and she irritates the hell out of you, why are you friends with her? If you are conflicted about keeping your whoring life secret from your fiance, whom you don't really seem to have any real connection with, why don't you either tell him or break it off? You, young lady, are a spineless coward and need to get your life straight. It's not that fucking hard.
I'm devoting way too much time to this book, and I know it. But like I said in my last entry, when you hate something, you can pretty easily think of a million different reasons why you hated it. Believe me, I could keep going on and on with this, but suffice it to say that this book was a waste of my time and a perfect 99 cents. I could have bought a cup of tea with that money, and it would have been an infinitely more entertaining exercise. I could use it as a doorstop and it would serve a better purpose than as literature.
Oh, here's a fun tidbit I found out after I read the book. Apparently, Tracy Quan started this whole turd of a 'series' by writing it as a column for Salon, she's a former call-girl herself and probably most of the book was written from experience. Thanks, wikipedia. Now I have an even bigger reason to dislike this woman--you have all this wealth of probably great stories in your life, and this is what you chose to unleash on the world? Maybe you could have been better off selling your stories to someone who could actually write a sentence without sounding like a whiny teenager. Because, lady, your book sucked.
Our protagonist, Nancy Chan, is a high-end call-girl. She has always wanted to be a prostitute (um...ok, whatever), and at 20 something she's raking in the money by having sex with creepy, rich, old guys. She is also -oh, no! the conundrum!- engaged to a rich, incredibly bland dude (more like a cardboard cutout for all the personality he has) and is being pressured by her ditzy friend to join a group that promotes the rights of sex-workers.
That should be...at least kind of fun to read, wouldn't you think? After all, the cover quoted "Cosmopolitan" (oh that bastion of high literature and fun, fun times!) saying that it was "chock full of dirty secrets!" (or some shit like that), so you really shouldn't expect more than a bunch of dirty sex scenes and fun in the high life of sex with balding men in their 60s! The cover had a BUTT on it! How could we go wrong in our pursuit of a mindlessly fun book to read quickly in boring moments? HOW!
By doing every single thing that you could possibly do wrong in writing a book. First: Make your book into a "diary", because God knows that shit isn't done to death, especially in chick-lit. Hey, it worked for Bridget Jones, and how hard can it be? Start by making your protagonist into an insufferable, spineless, whiny little victim who goes to the therapist a lot to whine about her stupid little problems that she could easily get out of if she had even the slightest bit of self-respect. Then, have her pepper her journal entries with inane little asides, a lot of "dirty" words (Oh, my! she said "pussy"! How naughty!) and a lot of boring stories about having sex with disgusting old men who want to have sex with young girls and pay to do it in fancy hotels in between business meetings. Have her friends be walking, reprehensible female stereotypes of the worst sort (Allison is ditzy! Jasmine is a total power slut! Her fiance's sister is a bitch because she's got a powerful job!) , and add a fiance who seems to be a complete fuckwit who somehow hasn't discovered that his fiance is a prostitute. Add to it a painfully boring subplot involving a bunch of bra-burning feminist stereotypes, a lot of seriously pathetic 'dramatic' moments (oh, no! she forgot to bring condoms! WHAT IS SHE TO DO!) and you have just one big painful insult to not only women and prostitutes, but to the entire world and very existence of books.
Just...holy hell, this book was irritating. Worse, it was boring. It starts off with one of those stupid little sex scenes that seem to have been written by a 15 year old girl who isn't quite sure how sex works but thinks that saying 'pussy' and 'cock' and 'whore' a lot immediately makes something titillating. But, no. It's just boring. You might as well be reading a recipe book for all the excitement that's in it. Nothing even remotely exciting happens to this chick, but somehow she does nothing but whine about how difficult her life is, mostly because she has incredibly stupid friends. I wanted to take this girl aside and just tell it plain to her face: If something in your life is giving you shit, get the fuck rid of it. If your friend is a pain in the ass who makes you do things you don't want to do, and she irritates the hell out of you, why are you friends with her? If you are conflicted about keeping your whoring life secret from your fiance, whom you don't really seem to have any real connection with, why don't you either tell him or break it off? You, young lady, are a spineless coward and need to get your life straight. It's not that fucking hard.
I'm devoting way too much time to this book, and I know it. But like I said in my last entry, when you hate something, you can pretty easily think of a million different reasons why you hated it. Believe me, I could keep going on and on with this, but suffice it to say that this book was a waste of my time and a perfect 99 cents. I could have bought a cup of tea with that money, and it would have been an infinitely more entertaining exercise. I could use it as a doorstop and it would serve a better purpose than as literature.
Oh, here's a fun tidbit I found out after I read the book. Apparently, Tracy Quan started this whole turd of a 'series' by writing it as a column for Salon, she's a former call-girl herself and probably most of the book was written from experience. Thanks, wikipedia. Now I have an even bigger reason to dislike this woman--you have all this wealth of probably great stories in your life, and this is what you chose to unleash on the world? Maybe you could have been better off selling your stories to someone who could actually write a sentence without sounding like a whiny teenager. Because, lady, your book sucked.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Book #9: "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon
If I've discovered one thing in the course of reading and reviewing books for the Cannonball, this is it: It's much, much harder to review a great book than a bad one. It's so much easier to list all the wrongs of a bad book, to make the review humorous or to rain insults down on an incompetent author. But reviewing a good book? That's always difficult.
This was a great book. It's a story told from the point of view of Christopher Boone, a 15 year old with Asperger's syndrome. He is great at mathematics and very logical, but has little to no social skills and has trouble communicating with anyone he is not familiar with. He lives with his father, a simple man who sometimes loses his temper when he can't understand what Christopher wants.
The story begins with Christopher finding his neighbor's dog dead in the garden. Due to his love of detective stories (because of their use of logic) he decides to investigate the dog's death and find out who killed it. But he runs into trouble when people get angry or bothered by his inquiries, so much so that his father forbids him to continue the investigation. But Christopher, who has trouble understanding people's motivations and non-specific requests, finds a way around his father's orders and continues to investigate. Along the way he finds out some unpleasant things about his father and decides to run away, which throws him into a completely unknown and very confusing world as he tries to find his way around.
It's one of those stories where the things that happen to a protagonist may not be that spectacular or exciting, but because the character is so different and lives in his own little world, just going down an unknown street is an epic adventure. Christopher's voice is so strong that you get completely immersed in his story, feeling his terror at what we would consider every day things, like taking the train or having a conversation with a stranger.
In short, Haddon does a terrific job of showing the workings of Christopher's mind; how he uses his condition to work out problems, in ways that most of us wouldn't even begin to think of. It's hard to say exactly why this book is so great--it's just the way the character is written, the humor of the writing, and how you feel sympathetic of the character without feeling sorry for him. I read that Haddon based Christopher on people he knew who suffered from similar conditions to the character's, and it helped me to appreciate that Haddon doesn't consider his character as inferior, just different. And so, it's a different book from anything I've ever read, and I'm glad I finally decided to read it after many years of having people recommend it to me.
See? That was probably grossly incoherent. It's just damned hard to really explain that "I loved it, but it's hard to describe exactly why--you should just read it" feeling. Specially when any description of the story doesn't really do it justice. So I'll conclude by just saying this: It's a great book. You should read it.
This was a great book. It's a story told from the point of view of Christopher Boone, a 15 year old with Asperger's syndrome. He is great at mathematics and very logical, but has little to no social skills and has trouble communicating with anyone he is not familiar with. He lives with his father, a simple man who sometimes loses his temper when he can't understand what Christopher wants.
The story begins with Christopher finding his neighbor's dog dead in the garden. Due to his love of detective stories (because of their use of logic) he decides to investigate the dog's death and find out who killed it. But he runs into trouble when people get angry or bothered by his inquiries, so much so that his father forbids him to continue the investigation. But Christopher, who has trouble understanding people's motivations and non-specific requests, finds a way around his father's orders and continues to investigate. Along the way he finds out some unpleasant things about his father and decides to run away, which throws him into a completely unknown and very confusing world as he tries to find his way around.
It's one of those stories where the things that happen to a protagonist may not be that spectacular or exciting, but because the character is so different and lives in his own little world, just going down an unknown street is an epic adventure. Christopher's voice is so strong that you get completely immersed in his story, feeling his terror at what we would consider every day things, like taking the train or having a conversation with a stranger.
In short, Haddon does a terrific job of showing the workings of Christopher's mind; how he uses his condition to work out problems, in ways that most of us wouldn't even begin to think of. It's hard to say exactly why this book is so great--it's just the way the character is written, the humor of the writing, and how you feel sympathetic of the character without feeling sorry for him. I read that Haddon based Christopher on people he knew who suffered from similar conditions to the character's, and it helped me to appreciate that Haddon doesn't consider his character as inferior, just different. And so, it's a different book from anything I've ever read, and I'm glad I finally decided to read it after many years of having people recommend it to me.
See? That was probably grossly incoherent. It's just damned hard to really explain that "I loved it, but it's hard to describe exactly why--you should just read it" feeling. Specially when any description of the story doesn't really do it justice. So I'll conclude by just saying this: It's a great book. You should read it.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Book #8: "Heart-Shaped Box" by Joe Hill
What a great book this was. I've had people recommend it to me for ages; a lot of people going with the "He's like his dad...but BETTER!" line of encouragement. Well, I'm glad I listened.
Joe Hill is Stephen King's second son, and as much as I'm tempted to compare his writing to his father's (of whom I am a big fan, as you probably know) I think it would be doing him a disservice. Based on this book, I think his writing stands alone.
Heart-Shaped Box is a ghost story, and probably the best one I've ever read. The protagonist is Judas Coyne, a retired heavy-metal star who now lives in an isolated farm, his only company a cheery assistant and his current lady-friend, whom he calls Georgia (because it's easier if he doesn't call her by her real name). He has a bizarre collection of morbid objects--including a real snuff film-- and when someone informs him that a real ghost is being sold on e-bay, he buys it immediately, if only because it sounds pretty cool. The ghost (of a woman's deceased father) is "sent" in the suit the man was buried in, and soon Coyne starts seeing the old man around his house. At first he seems harmless, but it becomes increasingly clear that both the sender and the ghost don't have the best of intentions towards Coyne. After some pretty terrifying stuff starts to happen, Coyne and Georgia decide to track down the sender as a ways of getting rid of the ghost, and things get progressively weirder and more dangerous.
I don't want to give too many details as to that "terrifying stuff" (as I so eloquently put it), as it's definitely something you should be surprised by. I confess I don't read a lot of ghost stories, but I've never heard of a ghost being quite this terrifying and evil before. The best way I can put it is that it creeped me the hell out, so much so that I couldn't quite walk around the apartment at night without feeling completely disturbed. It's the kind of book that gets under your skin, and even now (almost three weeks after I finished it) I still feel slightly perturbed at the idea of this ghost following me everywhere.
The writing is well paced and lacking in any unnecessary embellishments, and Hill creates a great feeling of tension and suspense all through the book. Judas Coyne is not exactly a sympathetic character, and sometimes it's hard to get a hold of him as a person, but it works because you're not exactly sure what he's going to do or say next. He's a stranger, and that works really well in the context of the story, as we slowly learn more about him but still don't know him at all. And still, it's a powerful story, one that lingers in your brain, It makes you care about what's happening and it's never boring.
I look forward to reading more of Joe Hill's work, because this book just blew me away. And just because someone might ask, I can't really say if he's better or worse than his father. I know Stephen King's work too well and I like it too much to make comparisons. They might write in vaguely the same genre, but their writing styles are completely different. And that's a good thing for both of them.
Joe Hill is Stephen King's second son, and as much as I'm tempted to compare his writing to his father's (of whom I am a big fan, as you probably know) I think it would be doing him a disservice. Based on this book, I think his writing stands alone.
Heart-Shaped Box is a ghost story, and probably the best one I've ever read. The protagonist is Judas Coyne, a retired heavy-metal star who now lives in an isolated farm, his only company a cheery assistant and his current lady-friend, whom he calls Georgia (because it's easier if he doesn't call her by her real name). He has a bizarre collection of morbid objects--including a real snuff film-- and when someone informs him that a real ghost is being sold on e-bay, he buys it immediately, if only because it sounds pretty cool. The ghost (of a woman's deceased father) is "sent" in the suit the man was buried in, and soon Coyne starts seeing the old man around his house. At first he seems harmless, but it becomes increasingly clear that both the sender and the ghost don't have the best of intentions towards Coyne. After some pretty terrifying stuff starts to happen, Coyne and Georgia decide to track down the sender as a ways of getting rid of the ghost, and things get progressively weirder and more dangerous.
I don't want to give too many details as to that "terrifying stuff" (as I so eloquently put it), as it's definitely something you should be surprised by. I confess I don't read a lot of ghost stories, but I've never heard of a ghost being quite this terrifying and evil before. The best way I can put it is that it creeped me the hell out, so much so that I couldn't quite walk around the apartment at night without feeling completely disturbed. It's the kind of book that gets under your skin, and even now (almost three weeks after I finished it) I still feel slightly perturbed at the idea of this ghost following me everywhere.
The writing is well paced and lacking in any unnecessary embellishments, and Hill creates a great feeling of tension and suspense all through the book. Judas Coyne is not exactly a sympathetic character, and sometimes it's hard to get a hold of him as a person, but it works because you're not exactly sure what he's going to do or say next. He's a stranger, and that works really well in the context of the story, as we slowly learn more about him but still don't know him at all. And still, it's a powerful story, one that lingers in your brain, It makes you care about what's happening and it's never boring.
I look forward to reading more of Joe Hill's work, because this book just blew me away. And just because someone might ask, I can't really say if he's better or worse than his father. I know Stephen King's work too well and I like it too much to make comparisons. They might write in vaguely the same genre, but their writing styles are completely different. And that's a good thing for both of them.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Figgy's Favorites: RomComs Edition
I think you all know by now that despite my Tough-Talkin', Hatin' exterior, I'm kind of a big softie inside. So, while I despise everything related to Valentine's Day (except for the cheap chocolate tomorrow), I figured this was a good a time as any to write this list.
You should also know that I love Romantic Comedies. I watch them obsessively. All of them - hell, I've watched everything Kate Hudson has ever made (so now you know why I hate her), just because I want to find the gems amongst the piles of crap that Hollywood produces year after year.
These are the gems. They're the movies I'll sit and watch over and over again, the ones who'll get me all blubbery and grinning like a fool every single time I watch them. They may not be cinematic genius--most of them riddled with the same cliches as the bad ones-- but they make me happy.
For all intents and purposes I'm using this basic definition of a RomCom: A comedy centered and revolving around a love story. I like this definition because it gives me a more narrow field to work with, and because it excludes a lot of comedies that just happen to have a romance in them but that I wouldn't classify as RomComs. Some examples of this are Shaun of the Dead or High Fidelity; two great movies, but not RomComs to me. I know some people might not like that definition, but it works for me. So: Comedy and a love story at the center.
1. Bridget Jones' Diary
Best Moments: The confession, of course. The birthday scene (that look he gives her across the table? Sweet jeebus) and of course, the kiss at the end. That kiss. Ooh, honey pass me the fan.
Best Assets: Zellwegger whom I will always love for this movie alone, Colin Firth's accent and sexy stares, Hugh Grant being deliciously evil, Bridget's Parents (Slugworth and Madame Pomfrey!), Gaius Baltar as the gay friend, the soundtrack.
Best Line(s):
"Wait a minute...nice boys don't kiss like that."
"Oh, yes, they fucking do.
Dumb Thing To Get Over (But that you can get over pretty easily): Trying to make us believe that Bridget Jones is fat. But the whole point of the character is that she thinks she's fat but isn't.
2.The Truth About Cats and Dogs:
Best Moments: The conversations between the girls, the visit to the department store, the photo session, and of course, the phone conversation. Gets me all oogly every single time.
Best Assets: Janeane Garofalo at her most awesome, Ben Chaplin's accent, the dog, Uma Thurman being thoroughly likable for the first time ever.
Stupid Thing to Get Over: The ridiculous premise, the idea that Janeane Garofalo isn't as beautiful (if not more) than Uma Thurman.
Best Line(s):
"What's wrong, Abby?"
"Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't fix"
3. While You Were Sleeping:
Best Moments: The scene where she first meets the family, the Christmas dinner, the wedding, the first visit to the apartment.
Best Assets: Sandra Bullock at her most adorable, Joe Junior, Bill Pullman looking like a sexy carpenter, Peter Gallagher's insane eyebrows, the entire, ridiculously lovable family.
Stupid Thing to Get Over: The lie is pretty flimsy, but works perfectly. Also that anyone would fall in love with Peter Gallagher and his eyebrows.
Best Line(s):
"I'd say that she gets under your skin as soon as you meet her. She drives you so nuts you don't know whether to hug her or, or just really arm wrestle her. She would go all the way to Europe just to get a stamp in her passport. I don't know if that amounts to insanity, or just being really, really... likable. "
4.Bringing Up Baby:
[Note: I suppose this would fit in better under the "Slapstick Comedy" genre, but I'm putting it on here because I can.]
Best Moments: Oh, all of them. The whole movie is a succession of hilarious scenes and brilliant moments. If forced to pick one, I'd say the whole scene at the restaurant.
Best Assets: Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn. Need I say more? Well, the leopards are pretty great, and Hepburn's wardrobe is amazing. George the dog is great.
Stupid Thing to Ignore: If you're really picky, the Walking Irish Stereotype can be a bit much for some people.
Best Lines:
"Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments
5.Sleepless in Seattle:
Best Moments: the entire radio conversation at the start, Meg Ryan and Rosie O'Donnell watching An Affair to Remember, then Rita Wilson describing it, the guys "crying" over The Dirty Dozen.
Best Assets: Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, both completely sweet and believable, the fact that this movie manages to convey chemistry between the two of them without them ever talking to each other, the kid who plays Jonah, the whole supporting cast (Rita Wilson, Rosie O'Donnell, Victor Garber, Bill Pullman, David Hyde Pierce).
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: Jonah somehow manages to fly from Seattle to NYC way too easily. Things were more relaxed in the 90s, but not that relaxed.
Best Line:
"You don't want to fall in love. You want to fall in love in a movie
6.Four Weddings and a Funeral:
Best Moments: All of the weddings, Rowan Atkinson as the priest, the girl learns sign language for the deaf boy, the final scene, John Hannah reading the poem at the funeral.
Best Assets: Hugh Grant as his most stammery, John Hannah and Simon Callow, Kristin Scott Thomas, the horrible wedding clothes, the pretty scenery, and Duckface.
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: Andy McDowell.
Best Line:
"In the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family..."I think I love you,"
7. When Harry Met Sally
Best Moments: The first conversation in the car, the conversation during Casablanca, the double date, the grand speech at the end.
Best Assets: Meg Ryan's hair, Billy Crystal's line delivery, Carrie Fisher, the horrible 80s wardrobe, the chemistry between Crystal and Ryan.
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: Billy Crystal is not a pretty man.
Best Line:
"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
8.Love, Actually:
[I know a lot of people hate this one...but a lot of people hate fun, too.]
Best Moments: Laura Linney finally kisses her gorgeous man, Andrew Lincoln with the boards, every scene with Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, Hugh Grant dances, Colin Firth in a pond again, every scene with Bill Nighy.
Best Assets: an incredible cast. Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson. Liam Neeson. That girl who sings "All I want for Christmas".
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: I don't like the storyline with the kid, or the Colin-goes-to-the-US, or the way the Laura Linney story ends. But everything else is pretty great.
Best Line:
"-Well, I was worried. I thought it would be something worse.
-Worse than the total agony of being in love?"
9.10 Things I Hate About You:
Best Moments: Heath Ledger sings (see above), the party (and the bit with the swings), the prom, Joseph Gordon Levitt tries to recruit Heath Ledger.
Best Assets: the cast, including Heath Ledger at his sexiest, Joseph Gordon Levitt being adorable (though he does nothing for me), Julia Stiles being great, the dad, the gorgeous location, Allison FRAKKIN Janney.
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: The stupid bet, because it's formulaic. But it's pretty easy to forget that it even exists sometimes.
Best Line:
"-Where did you come from? Planet "Loser"?
-As opposed to Planet "Look At Me, Look At Me"?
10.Ever After
Best Moments: the gypsies, the scene at the library, the bit with the ruins, the ball...hell, every scene that the two have together is quite wonderful.
Best Assets: Drew Barrymore's at her most lovable self, Dougray Scott managing to look hot even while wearing a giant cup, Angelica Houston, the beautiful locations, the couple that plays the King and Queen.
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: Leonardo da Vinci. It's so dumb it's kind of hilarious.
Best Line:
"-It is not fair, sire. You have found my weakness, but I have yet to learn yours.
-But I should think it was quite obvious.
11.The Matchmaker
[Yep, Janeane Garofalo again. I love her so much]
Best Moments: the singing contest, the pretend family fools the Senator, the whole trip to the Inishmore.
Best Assets: Janeane Garofalo, all of those delightful Irish accents, the scenery, Dennis Leary.
Stupid thing you need to ignore: The sex scene is terribly unsatisfying.''
Best Line:
"-Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
-No, it's like being constantly right."
*****
Honorable Mentions:
-You've Got Mail
-The Philadelphia Story
-It Happened One Night
-The Wedding Singer
-Moonstruck
So, there you go. Hope you get around to watching the ones you haven't seen. And please, be kind in the comments. Remember that these are my personal choices, and I never claim to have flawless taste. So add your own, or fight me if you must.
You should also know that I love Romantic Comedies. I watch them obsessively. All of them - hell, I've watched everything Kate Hudson has ever made (so now you know why I hate her), just because I want to find the gems amongst the piles of crap that Hollywood produces year after year.
These are the gems. They're the movies I'll sit and watch over and over again, the ones who'll get me all blubbery and grinning like a fool every single time I watch them. They may not be cinematic genius--most of them riddled with the same cliches as the bad ones-- but they make me happy.
For all intents and purposes I'm using this basic definition of a RomCom: A comedy centered and revolving around a love story. I like this definition because it gives me a more narrow field to work with, and because it excludes a lot of comedies that just happen to have a romance in them but that I wouldn't classify as RomComs. Some examples of this are Shaun of the Dead or High Fidelity; two great movies, but not RomComs to me. I know some people might not like that definition, but it works for me. So: Comedy and a love story at the center.
1. Bridget Jones' Diary
Best Moments: The confession, of course. The birthday scene (that look he gives her across the table? Sweet jeebus) and of course, the kiss at the end. That kiss. Ooh, honey pass me the fan.
Best Assets: Zellwegger whom I will always love for this movie alone, Colin Firth's accent and sexy stares, Hugh Grant being deliciously evil, Bridget's Parents (Slugworth and Madame Pomfrey!), Gaius Baltar as the gay friend, the soundtrack.
Best Line(s):
"Wait a minute...nice boys don't kiss like that."
"Oh, yes, they fucking do.
Dumb Thing To Get Over (But that you can get over pretty easily): Trying to make us believe that Bridget Jones is fat. But the whole point of the character is that she thinks she's fat but isn't.
2.The Truth About Cats and Dogs:
Best Moments: The conversations between the girls, the visit to the department store, the photo session, and of course, the phone conversation. Gets me all oogly every single time.
Best Assets: Janeane Garofalo at her most awesome, Ben Chaplin's accent, the dog, Uma Thurman being thoroughly likable for the first time ever.
Stupid Thing to Get Over: The ridiculous premise, the idea that Janeane Garofalo isn't as beautiful (if not more) than Uma Thurman.
Best Line(s):
"What's wrong, Abby?"
"Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't fix"
3. While You Were Sleeping:
Best Moments: The scene where she first meets the family, the Christmas dinner, the wedding, the first visit to the apartment.
Best Assets: Sandra Bullock at her most adorable, Joe Junior, Bill Pullman looking like a sexy carpenter, Peter Gallagher's insane eyebrows, the entire, ridiculously lovable family.
Stupid Thing to Get Over: The lie is pretty flimsy, but works perfectly. Also that anyone would fall in love with Peter Gallagher and his eyebrows.
Best Line(s):
"I'd say that she gets under your skin as soon as you meet her. She drives you so nuts you don't know whether to hug her or, or just really arm wrestle her. She would go all the way to Europe just to get a stamp in her passport. I don't know if that amounts to insanity, or just being really, really... likable. "
4.Bringing Up Baby:
[Note: I suppose this would fit in better under the "Slapstick Comedy" genre, but I'm putting it on here because I can.]
Best Moments: Oh, all of them. The whole movie is a succession of hilarious scenes and brilliant moments. If forced to pick one, I'd say the whole scene at the restaurant.
Best Assets: Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn. Need I say more? Well, the leopards are pretty great, and Hepburn's wardrobe is amazing. George the dog is great.
Stupid Thing to Ignore: If you're really picky, the Walking Irish Stereotype can be a bit much for some people.
Best Lines:
"Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments
5.Sleepless in Seattle:
Best Moments: the entire radio conversation at the start, Meg Ryan and Rosie O'Donnell watching An Affair to Remember, then Rita Wilson describing it, the guys "crying" over The Dirty Dozen.
Best Assets: Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, both completely sweet and believable, the fact that this movie manages to convey chemistry between the two of them without them ever talking to each other, the kid who plays Jonah, the whole supporting cast (Rita Wilson, Rosie O'Donnell, Victor Garber, Bill Pullman, David Hyde Pierce).
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: Jonah somehow manages to fly from Seattle to NYC way too easily. Things were more relaxed in the 90s, but not that relaxed.
Best Line:
"You don't want to fall in love. You want to fall in love in a movie
6.Four Weddings and a Funeral:
Best Moments: All of the weddings, Rowan Atkinson as the priest, the girl learns sign language for the deaf boy, the final scene, John Hannah reading the poem at the funeral.
Best Assets: Hugh Grant as his most stammery, John Hannah and Simon Callow, Kristin Scott Thomas, the horrible wedding clothes, the pretty scenery, and Duckface.
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: Andy McDowell.
Best Line:
"In the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family..."I think I love you,"
7. When Harry Met Sally
Best Moments: The first conversation in the car, the conversation during Casablanca, the double date, the grand speech at the end.
Best Assets: Meg Ryan's hair, Billy Crystal's line delivery, Carrie Fisher, the horrible 80s wardrobe, the chemistry between Crystal and Ryan.
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: Billy Crystal is not a pretty man.
Best Line:
"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
8.Love, Actually:
[I know a lot of people hate this one...but a lot of people hate fun, too.]
Best Moments: Laura Linney finally kisses her gorgeous man, Andrew Lincoln with the boards, every scene with Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, Hugh Grant dances, Colin Firth in a pond again, every scene with Bill Nighy.
Best Assets: an incredible cast. Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson. Liam Neeson. That girl who sings "All I want for Christmas".
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: I don't like the storyline with the kid, or the Colin-goes-to-the-US, or the way the Laura Linney story ends. But everything else is pretty great.
Best Line:
"-Well, I was worried. I thought it would be something worse.
-Worse than the total agony of being in love?"
9.10 Things I Hate About You:
Best Moments: Heath Ledger sings (see above), the party (and the bit with the swings), the prom, Joseph Gordon Levitt tries to recruit Heath Ledger.
Best Assets: the cast, including Heath Ledger at his sexiest, Joseph Gordon Levitt being adorable (though he does nothing for me), Julia Stiles being great, the dad, the gorgeous location, Allison FRAKKIN Janney.
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: The stupid bet, because it's formulaic. But it's pretty easy to forget that it even exists sometimes.
Best Line:
"-Where did you come from? Planet "Loser"?
-As opposed to Planet "Look At Me, Look At Me"?
10.Ever After
Best Moments: the gypsies, the scene at the library, the bit with the ruins, the ball...hell, every scene that the two have together is quite wonderful.
Best Assets: Drew Barrymore's at her most lovable self, Dougray Scott managing to look hot even while wearing a giant cup, Angelica Houston, the beautiful locations, the couple that plays the King and Queen.
Stupid Thing You Need to Ignore: Leonardo da Vinci. It's so dumb it's kind of hilarious.
Best Line:
"-It is not fair, sire. You have found my weakness, but I have yet to learn yours.
-But I should think it was quite obvious.
11.The Matchmaker
[Yep, Janeane Garofalo again. I love her so much]
Best Moments: the singing contest, the pretend family fools the Senator, the whole trip to the Inishmore.
Best Assets: Janeane Garofalo, all of those delightful Irish accents, the scenery, Dennis Leary.
Stupid thing you need to ignore: The sex scene is terribly unsatisfying.''
Best Line:
"-Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
-No, it's like being constantly right."
*****
Honorable Mentions:
-You've Got Mail
-The Philadelphia Story
-It Happened One Night
-The Wedding Singer
-Moonstruck
So, there you go. Hope you get around to watching the ones you haven't seen. And please, be kind in the comments. Remember that these are my personal choices, and I never claim to have flawless taste. So add your own, or fight me if you must.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Book #7: "Dead Until Dark" by Charlaine Harris
A few of you might know that I am a huge fan of HBO's True Blood series. It's a trashy, hilarious, bizarre show that can be alternatively brilliant and mind-numbingly stupid. For all its flaws, it's quite addictive-- the presence of the gorgeous Alexander Skarsgard doesn't hurt, either, nor does the fact that he's often almost completely naked in it. A lot. And he's tall and...so...um...
*Ahem*
OK! Back to True Blood. It's one of the million shows that's cropped up lately that features vampires, with the one stand-out feature being that these are vampires done right. It's based on Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series, of which Dead Until Dark is the first book.
Sookie Stackhouse lives in the small, unsophisticated town of Bon Temps in Louisiana. She happens to have the ability to read people's minds, a "condition" that's turned her into a bit of a loner, though she's smart and very self-reliant. The story is set in a world where vampires have come out from hiding and are starting to mingle in human society, thanks the invention of synthetic blood, a nutritious (though not entirely satisfying) substitute for human blood. So, right off the bat we've got a pretty interesting premise. The vampires are the monsters we've all come to know and love: human-like but not really human at all, they're dangerous and feel almost no emotions aside from hunger and lust.
One night a vampire named Bill Compton comes in to the restaurant where Sookie works, and she is immediately drawn to him. It helps that he's the only person whose thoughts she can't read, which makes him a welcome relief. They strike up a strained sort of friendship that quickly develops into physical attraction and lust. The slow build-up of their romance is just flat-out fun to read, because Harris makes the whole thing really bizarre and unusual, so it's not at all your typical romantic story. Meanwhile, there's a serial killer going around Bon Temps killing girls who sleep with vampires, which doesn't bode well for Sookie and her new friend (if you've watched the show, the story is the same as that of the first season). There's also a great cast of colorful supporting characters, which includes some really creepy vampires as well as violent rednecks, wise grandmas, bumbling policemen and even a shape-shifter. Add to that the tensions between humans and vampires, Vampire Elvis and vampire groupies and Sookie's got quite a full plate on her hands.
Told from Sookie's point of view, the book is short and lively, and the problems that usually come with first-person narration are nicely glossed over by Sookie's telepathy. She doesn't have to keep wondering what other people are thinking because she already knows. It was also a relief to see that the Sookie of the books is exponentially less annoying than the Sookie of the series. She's still impulsive and reckless, but she's a lot more likable and sympathetic. Vampire Bill is also much more palatable, being less whiny and delicate and more of a believable anti-hero. I missed the presence of Tara, so I'm guessing she was created specifically for the show.
Dead Until Dark was a fun little introduction to the series. It's saved from being just another silly book about vampires by Harris' great sense of humor and her quick, fun writing. The book is pretty gory and violent at times, and I liked that it didn't seem to take itself too seriously-- it won't win any prizes for sophistication, but it doesn't care. I honestly can't wait to read the rest of the series. At least it'll be a fun way to pass the time until the show comes back and we get more of Eric Northman.
*Ahem*
OK! Back to True Blood. It's one of the million shows that's cropped up lately that features vampires, with the one stand-out feature being that these are vampires done right. It's based on Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series, of which Dead Until Dark is the first book.
Sookie Stackhouse lives in the small, unsophisticated town of Bon Temps in Louisiana. She happens to have the ability to read people's minds, a "condition" that's turned her into a bit of a loner, though she's smart and very self-reliant. The story is set in a world where vampires have come out from hiding and are starting to mingle in human society, thanks the invention of synthetic blood, a nutritious (though not entirely satisfying) substitute for human blood. So, right off the bat we've got a pretty interesting premise. The vampires are the monsters we've all come to know and love: human-like but not really human at all, they're dangerous and feel almost no emotions aside from hunger and lust.
One night a vampire named Bill Compton comes in to the restaurant where Sookie works, and she is immediately drawn to him. It helps that he's the only person whose thoughts she can't read, which makes him a welcome relief. They strike up a strained sort of friendship that quickly develops into physical attraction and lust. The slow build-up of their romance is just flat-out fun to read, because Harris makes the whole thing really bizarre and unusual, so it's not at all your typical romantic story. Meanwhile, there's a serial killer going around Bon Temps killing girls who sleep with vampires, which doesn't bode well for Sookie and her new friend (if you've watched the show, the story is the same as that of the first season). There's also a great cast of colorful supporting characters, which includes some really creepy vampires as well as violent rednecks, wise grandmas, bumbling policemen and even a shape-shifter. Add to that the tensions between humans and vampires, Vampire Elvis and vampire groupies and Sookie's got quite a full plate on her hands.
Told from Sookie's point of view, the book is short and lively, and the problems that usually come with first-person narration are nicely glossed over by Sookie's telepathy. She doesn't have to keep wondering what other people are thinking because she already knows. It was also a relief to see that the Sookie of the books is exponentially less annoying than the Sookie of the series. She's still impulsive and reckless, but she's a lot more likable and sympathetic. Vampire Bill is also much more palatable, being less whiny and delicate and more of a believable anti-hero. I missed the presence of Tara, so I'm guessing she was created specifically for the show.
Dead Until Dark was a fun little introduction to the series. It's saved from being just another silly book about vampires by Harris' great sense of humor and her quick, fun writing. The book is pretty gory and violent at times, and I liked that it didn't seem to take itself too seriously-- it won't win any prizes for sophistication, but it doesn't care. I honestly can't wait to read the rest of the series. At least it'll be a fun way to pass the time until the show comes back and we get more of Eric Northman.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Book #6: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" by J.K. Rowling.
Remember when I said that I wasn't going to re-read this book until after the movie came out? Yeah, I lied. I do that a lot. But, come on, the thing was $3 at a used-book store and I couldn't resist.
I think I've said enough about the series in my reviews of the other books (here, here, here, here) to go over it all again. Long story short: Formulaic but almost always enjoyable; good, fun characters and progressively more interesting stories; flawed, but never boring.
That being said, Deathly Hallows is by far the most mature and the darkest book of the series. Our three heroes are on their own as they decide to not return to Hogwarts and spend all their time trying to find and destroy the Horcruxes left behind by Voldemort. They have almost no information to go on, so there's a lot of guesswork and, as usual with Harry Potter, a lot of incredibly lucky coincidences. We're also introduced to a new mystery, that of the Deathly Hallows, which seems to be related to the main quest but isn't really important until the very end.
The best thing about the book is the way that Rowling manages to convey to us just how alone and isolated the kids are this time around. Before, Harry always had adults to rely on when things got dicey. This time around, however, the trio really must rely on what little experience they have (and Hermione's genius), and sometimes their plans go terribly wrong. They're still just teenagers, after all. They have volatile tempers and moments of silliness, all while being quite justifiably terrified and lonely. There are moments when things get downright horrifying-- the trip to Godric's Hollow is a brilliantly told episode right out of a horror story.
The biggest problem for me is the pacing of the story. Rowling has set up a great, complicated, dark mystery for the readers, and for once she is completely free to break away from the well-known formula, just by taking the kids out of Hogwarts. But she wastes the opportunity to do so. Instead, we have the same exhausted formula as with the other books: one long period of mystery and dead-ends, and all the revelations are crammed in at the end of the school year. I understand the logic behind it (they have little time as they progress, etc), but the last fourth of the book just feels terribly rushed. You get used to the slow but comfortable pace of the camping and investigation, and then BLAM! Suddenly you're thrown into an 150mph dive where you get no time to breathe, only a barrage of exposition and information that's just hard to keep track of. It works in the context of the story, but there's just no moment to rest, and that becomes a problem after the rest of the book has been so deliberately paced. I think that, by limiting the timeline to one year, it cheapens the value and difficulty of everything that the kids had to do. This was supposed to take them years, to be incredibly difficult, and when they solve the mystery in a year, you just get the feeling that it wasn't really that difficult to work out. Would have been much easier if Dumbledore hadn't been such an uncommunicative ass.
Luckily, it's only a problem I felt until I was done reading. As you're reading that last fourth of the book is exhilarating, surprising and shocking. Rowling brings out all the big guns, taking things into unexpected, darker territory, and it's a thrill to read. There are moments where the writing it just beautiful--you feel that you're right there on that crazy journey with Harry, and it's a testament to the characters Rowling has created that you feel incredibly deeply for them when they're faced with their final choices. It's beautifully done.
...Until you get to the epilogue. I don't even want to get that into it, because it'll just lead to another long, angry rant (Scorpius? REALLY?). Let's just say that the book ends too abruptly, and the epilogue is far too cutesy and clumsy to follow such an epic ending. There are so many questions unanswered, so many reunions we needed to see but never happened, that we needed so we could feel like the adventure was over for now. It's just terribly unsatisfying. I get the feeling that maybe Rowling was forced into writing a happy epilogue, and so it just feels tacked on and forced. It's too bad, really, because the rest of the book is a great read, and nice, concise ending to Harry's story. It came very close to being perfect, and I was left wanting a little more.
I think I've said enough about the series in my reviews of the other books (here, here, here, here) to go over it all again. Long story short: Formulaic but almost always enjoyable; good, fun characters and progressively more interesting stories; flawed, but never boring.
That being said, Deathly Hallows is by far the most mature and the darkest book of the series. Our three heroes are on their own as they decide to not return to Hogwarts and spend all their time trying to find and destroy the Horcruxes left behind by Voldemort. They have almost no information to go on, so there's a lot of guesswork and, as usual with Harry Potter, a lot of incredibly lucky coincidences. We're also introduced to a new mystery, that of the Deathly Hallows, which seems to be related to the main quest but isn't really important until the very end.
The best thing about the book is the way that Rowling manages to convey to us just how alone and isolated the kids are this time around. Before, Harry always had adults to rely on when things got dicey. This time around, however, the trio really must rely on what little experience they have (and Hermione's genius), and sometimes their plans go terribly wrong. They're still just teenagers, after all. They have volatile tempers and moments of silliness, all while being quite justifiably terrified and lonely. There are moments when things get downright horrifying-- the trip to Godric's Hollow is a brilliantly told episode right out of a horror story.
The biggest problem for me is the pacing of the story. Rowling has set up a great, complicated, dark mystery for the readers, and for once she is completely free to break away from the well-known formula, just by taking the kids out of Hogwarts. But she wastes the opportunity to do so. Instead, we have the same exhausted formula as with the other books: one long period of mystery and dead-ends, and all the revelations are crammed in at the end of the school year. I understand the logic behind it (they have little time as they progress, etc), but the last fourth of the book just feels terribly rushed. You get used to the slow but comfortable pace of the camping and investigation, and then BLAM! Suddenly you're thrown into an 150mph dive where you get no time to breathe, only a barrage of exposition and information that's just hard to keep track of. It works in the context of the story, but there's just no moment to rest, and that becomes a problem after the rest of the book has been so deliberately paced. I think that, by limiting the timeline to one year, it cheapens the value and difficulty of everything that the kids had to do. This was supposed to take them years, to be incredibly difficult, and when they solve the mystery in a year, you just get the feeling that it wasn't really that difficult to work out. Would have been much easier if Dumbledore hadn't been such an uncommunicative ass.
Luckily, it's only a problem I felt until I was done reading. As you're reading that last fourth of the book is exhilarating, surprising and shocking. Rowling brings out all the big guns, taking things into unexpected, darker territory, and it's a thrill to read. There are moments where the writing it just beautiful--you feel that you're right there on that crazy journey with Harry, and it's a testament to the characters Rowling has created that you feel incredibly deeply for them when they're faced with their final choices. It's beautifully done.
...Until you get to the epilogue. I don't even want to get that into it, because it'll just lead to another long, angry rant (Scorpius? REALLY?). Let's just say that the book ends too abruptly, and the epilogue is far too cutesy and clumsy to follow such an epic ending. There are so many questions unanswered, so many reunions we needed to see but never happened, that we needed so we could feel like the adventure was over for now. It's just terribly unsatisfying. I get the feeling that maybe Rowling was forced into writing a happy epilogue, and so it just feels tacked on and forced. It's too bad, really, because the rest of the book is a great read, and nice, concise ending to Harry's story. It came very close to being perfect, and I was left wanting a little more.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Book #5: "The Life of Elizabeth I" by Alison Weir
I'll get this one out of the way quickly. It's hard to write about non-fiction books, and I've never quite got the hang of that.
Read this one. It's an incredibly detailed biography of a truly extraordinary woman. It doesn't romanticize or embellish anything, but neither is it dry and lifeless. It would be hard to do that, with such an incredibly story to tell. Alison Weir does a flawless job of relating the life of Elizabeth I, from the moment she was became Queen until the moment she died. But she doesn't just list facts and gathers information from different books; she makes sure to connect the life of Elizabeth to everything that was happening at the time. You can't disconnect a person from the times they lived in, and trying to add modern sensibilities (I'm looking at you, Phillipa Gregory) just belittles their story and insults their legacy.
Weir did extensive research not only into Elizabeth's reign, she looked into everything that went on around her: how she dressed, how she walked, how she spoke, wrote and loved. She goes into great detail about the people who surrounded Elizabeth, how they were affected by her and how she affected them.
It's one of the best biographies I've ever read. A big, heavy book that took me (a pretty fast reader) almost a month to read. But I was never bored. I never got tired or had my mind wander. This book was so rich in detail that I would gladly read it again sometime. I can't recommend it enough.
Read this one. It's an incredibly detailed biography of a truly extraordinary woman. It doesn't romanticize or embellish anything, but neither is it dry and lifeless. It would be hard to do that, with such an incredibly story to tell. Alison Weir does a flawless job of relating the life of Elizabeth I, from the moment she was became Queen until the moment she died. But she doesn't just list facts and gathers information from different books; she makes sure to connect the life of Elizabeth to everything that was happening at the time. You can't disconnect a person from the times they lived in, and trying to add modern sensibilities (I'm looking at you, Phillipa Gregory) just belittles their story and insults their legacy.
Weir did extensive research not only into Elizabeth's reign, she looked into everything that went on around her: how she dressed, how she walked, how she spoke, wrote and loved. She goes into great detail about the people who surrounded Elizabeth, how they were affected by her and how she affected them.
It's one of the best biographies I've ever read. A big, heavy book that took me (a pretty fast reader) almost a month to read. But I was never bored. I never got tired or had my mind wander. This book was so rich in detail that I would gladly read it again sometime. I can't recommend it enough.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Book #4: "The Constant Princess" by Phillipa Gregory
I remember the very instant when this book turned me off. I remember the exact moment when I put the book down and sighed as I understood exactly what this book- about Katherine of Aragon, erstwhile wife of Henry VIII - was going to be like. I knew right then that I wouldn't like it and that it would probably end up making me angry. I knew I would finish it, and I wouldn't enjoy it the process.
It was about four chapters in, when Henry VII, the aging King of England, looks at his son's fiance and thinks about Katherine's "sexy mouth". That word. "Sexy". In a historical novel about Tudor England.
That simple, stupid word brought all my knowledge of bad historical novels crashing down on me. I knew in a flash that this book was going to be tedious, terribly inaccurate and worst of all, painfully cheesy. And I was right.
Listen, I get that people who write historical novels have to embellish their stories from time to time. I get that I'm just supposed to "enjoy the ride", not cringing at every stupid cheesy line in the book that would seem more fitting in a CW prime-time teen drama. I get that you want to make an already interesting story your own. Sometimes it works, if the writer is skilled enough to make the story seem a little bit interesting, but Phillippa Gregory just isn't that kind of author. As it turns out, she's taken what was a truly interesting historical character who lived at a tumultuous time, and she's turned her into the worst sort of whiny Disney princess, who sits at windows pining for true love. And it doesn't even have an interesting Prince and dancing characters to make up for the pathetic Princess.
Here's the true story: Katherine of Aragon was the daughter of Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain. You know, the Spanish monarchs who sent Columbus off to do his thing. At age 4 she was formally betrothed to Arthur, son of Henry VII and heir to the throne of England. She was sent to England some years later, where she was married to the prince. She was left alone in a country whose language she didn't even speak yet. Her one job was to get married and give England an heir. Unfortunately, Prince Arthur died just a few years later, leaving her a widow and making his younger brother, Henry, the new heir. When Henry became King and needed a wife, Katherine seemed like a good choice. The Pope declared her marriage to Arthur as void, as it had never been consummated (there was wide belief that Arthur was impotent). Henry then married her, finally making her Queen of England. Later, as well all know, Henry VIII fell in love with Anne Boleyn and divorced Katherine, claiming that she had lied all along about the consummation of her marriage to Arthur.
See, I think that's a pretty fascinating story, especially the years between Katherine's marriage to Arthur and her subsequent marriage to Henry. Unfortunately, there's very little historical evidence of what those years were like for Katherine, and there's no definite answer to the question of whether Katherine lied about her relationship with Arthur. Gregory takes advantage of this and makes up a story. It's tempting to do that: you have your characters and an overarching plot. Just add some romantic stuff to the parts no one is really sure about. Gregory's idea is that Katherine lied to Henry and everyone else, and that her marriage to Arthur was one of true love--and rainbows and puppies and hot sex. But they didn't tell anyone about it...for some reason.
Yeah. In between whining about how much she misses Spain and whining about how much she wants to be Queen, Katherine falls deeply in love with Arthur. There's really no reason for it, other than, "Why not? It'll make a good romance story!" Gregory's explanation as to why no one ever really knew whether Arthur and Katherine slept together is that he used to sneak into her bedroom when everyone had gone to sleep and they'd have sex for hours, and he would leave before anyone saw them. You might be wondering how this makes any sense, and let me tell you: it doesn't. It's just a stupid plot contrivance that Gregory came up with to get away with writing a fairy tale about a princess who falls in love and then becomes really sad about it.
It's just terribly cheesy and straight out of a Young Adult novel, which I personally think is sort of insulting to the real Katherine. Athur and Katherine whisper sweet nothings to each other like two teenagers in love, instead of two complete strangers in an arranged marriage at a time when marriages were all about business and not love. I get that you want to romanticize it, but this book is just ridiculous. Specially when we know what life was like at that period, and that we know how the story ends. And it takes him just forever to die! It's almost 200 pages of cheesy, chaste little love scenes and rainbows and happiness. I kept muttering for Gregory to just get on with it and kill Arthur so that we could read something more compelling; for example, her far more interesting marriage to Henry VIII. But that just gets relegated to the last few chapters of the book, which makes absolutely no sense to me.
Some of the worst parts of the book come in the form of little asides in between actual scenes, which are told from Katherine's point of view. We know this because they're italicized, which makes them easier to skip. Once I got past the eye-rolling stupidity of the passages where a 10 year-old girl sounds like a wise woman of the world, I just started skipping them altogether. Because they were invariably in one of three lines: 1) I so want to be Queen! I was born to be Queen! For...some reason! 2) I love Arthur! he is so cute and sweet and my Prince Charming! and 3) I miss Spain! This is what Spain was like! Let me repeat it 1500 times so you'll get it! It was just ridiculous.
I don't know how I finished it, to be honest. I'd read a couple of pages, roll my eyes so hard they almost fell out of my head, and put the book down to go do something else. I took some notes as I read it. Here's a couple:
-"Tell me a story", said Arthur NO. SHUT UP. ENOUGH STORIES.
-"True Love" PSHAW. THIS IS TUDOR ENGLAND. WHERE IS THE PLAGUE WHEN YOU NEED IT?
-SNORE
You get the idea. This book suffers from a terrible case of "Empty Dress Syndrome", a term perfectly explained by Ranylt Richildis of Pajiba in this review, which is, appropriately enough, about a movie adaptation of another one of Phillippa Gregory's 'romances'. In short: the book is all frill and no substance. There's nothing else there but the illusion of something pretty. And the frill isn't even remotely interesting to look at.
It was just a huge disappointment. I love reading about the Tudors. They were a fascinating family, and the history surrounding them is just rife with great stories for people to tell and read. It's just a shame that Gregory seems to have cornered the market for these stories, because turning them into pathetic little romances just demeans them. As far as I can tell, all of her other books run in the same vein as this one, and it's just not a line I'm interested in pursuing.
It was about four chapters in, when Henry VII, the aging King of England, looks at his son's fiance and thinks about Katherine's "sexy mouth". That word. "Sexy". In a historical novel about Tudor England.
That simple, stupid word brought all my knowledge of bad historical novels crashing down on me. I knew in a flash that this book was going to be tedious, terribly inaccurate and worst of all, painfully cheesy. And I was right.
Listen, I get that people who write historical novels have to embellish their stories from time to time. I get that I'm just supposed to "enjoy the ride", not cringing at every stupid cheesy line in the book that would seem more fitting in a CW prime-time teen drama. I get that you want to make an already interesting story your own. Sometimes it works, if the writer is skilled enough to make the story seem a little bit interesting, but Phillippa Gregory just isn't that kind of author. As it turns out, she's taken what was a truly interesting historical character who lived at a tumultuous time, and she's turned her into the worst sort of whiny Disney princess, who sits at windows pining for true love. And it doesn't even have an interesting Prince and dancing characters to make up for the pathetic Princess.
Here's the true story: Katherine of Aragon was the daughter of Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain. You know, the Spanish monarchs who sent Columbus off to do his thing. At age 4 she was formally betrothed to Arthur, son of Henry VII and heir to the throne of England. She was sent to England some years later, where she was married to the prince. She was left alone in a country whose language she didn't even speak yet. Her one job was to get married and give England an heir. Unfortunately, Prince Arthur died just a few years later, leaving her a widow and making his younger brother, Henry, the new heir. When Henry became King and needed a wife, Katherine seemed like a good choice. The Pope declared her marriage to Arthur as void, as it had never been consummated (there was wide belief that Arthur was impotent). Henry then married her, finally making her Queen of England. Later, as well all know, Henry VIII fell in love with Anne Boleyn and divorced Katherine, claiming that she had lied all along about the consummation of her marriage to Arthur.
See, I think that's a pretty fascinating story, especially the years between Katherine's marriage to Arthur and her subsequent marriage to Henry. Unfortunately, there's very little historical evidence of what those years were like for Katherine, and there's no definite answer to the question of whether Katherine lied about her relationship with Arthur. Gregory takes advantage of this and makes up a story. It's tempting to do that: you have your characters and an overarching plot. Just add some romantic stuff to the parts no one is really sure about. Gregory's idea is that Katherine lied to Henry and everyone else, and that her marriage to Arthur was one of true love--and rainbows and puppies and hot sex. But they didn't tell anyone about it...for some reason.
Yeah. In between whining about how much she misses Spain and whining about how much she wants to be Queen, Katherine falls deeply in love with Arthur. There's really no reason for it, other than, "Why not? It'll make a good romance story!" Gregory's explanation as to why no one ever really knew whether Arthur and Katherine slept together is that he used to sneak into her bedroom when everyone had gone to sleep and they'd have sex for hours, and he would leave before anyone saw them. You might be wondering how this makes any sense, and let me tell you: it doesn't. It's just a stupid plot contrivance that Gregory came up with to get away with writing a fairy tale about a princess who falls in love and then becomes really sad about it.
It's just terribly cheesy and straight out of a Young Adult novel, which I personally think is sort of insulting to the real Katherine. Athur and Katherine whisper sweet nothings to each other like two teenagers in love, instead of two complete strangers in an arranged marriage at a time when marriages were all about business and not love. I get that you want to romanticize it, but this book is just ridiculous. Specially when we know what life was like at that period, and that we know how the story ends. And it takes him just forever to die! It's almost 200 pages of cheesy, chaste little love scenes and rainbows and happiness. I kept muttering for Gregory to just get on with it and kill Arthur so that we could read something more compelling; for example, her far more interesting marriage to Henry VIII. But that just gets relegated to the last few chapters of the book, which makes absolutely no sense to me.
Some of the worst parts of the book come in the form of little asides in between actual scenes, which are told from Katherine's point of view. We know this because they're italicized, which makes them easier to skip. Once I got past the eye-rolling stupidity of the passages where a 10 year-old girl sounds like a wise woman of the world, I just started skipping them altogether. Because they were invariably in one of three lines: 1) I so want to be Queen! I was born to be Queen! For...some reason! 2) I love Arthur! he is so cute and sweet and my Prince Charming! and 3) I miss Spain! This is what Spain was like! Let me repeat it 1500 times so you'll get it! It was just ridiculous.
I don't know how I finished it, to be honest. I'd read a couple of pages, roll my eyes so hard they almost fell out of my head, and put the book down to go do something else. I took some notes as I read it. Here's a couple:
-"Tell me a story", said Arthur NO. SHUT UP. ENOUGH STORIES.
-"True Love" PSHAW. THIS IS TUDOR ENGLAND. WHERE IS THE PLAGUE WHEN YOU NEED IT?
-SNORE
You get the idea. This book suffers from a terrible case of "Empty Dress Syndrome", a term perfectly explained by Ranylt Richildis of Pajiba in this review, which is, appropriately enough, about a movie adaptation of another one of Phillippa Gregory's 'romances'. In short: the book is all frill and no substance. There's nothing else there but the illusion of something pretty. And the frill isn't even remotely interesting to look at.
It was just a huge disappointment. I love reading about the Tudors. They were a fascinating family, and the history surrounding them is just rife with great stories for people to tell and read. It's just a shame that Gregory seems to have cornered the market for these stories, because turning them into pathetic little romances just demeans them. As far as I can tell, all of her other books run in the same vein as this one, and it's just not a line I'm interested in pursuing.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Book #3: "Dead of Night" by Randy Wayne White
This book. Ugh.
This was one of those books I picked up at our house in Honduras, for no other reason than I had nothing else to read. I didn't really want to read it, based on the cover alone: a dark, stormy background, shiny bright letters, a scorpion in the corner. It just screamed "STAY AWAY".
I should have listened to my first instincts. Because this was a stinky, putrid mess of a book that I only remember because of how much I wanted to throw it at the wall.
Apparently, this was part of a series of books about the adventures of Doc Ford (*groan*) a former NSA Agent who is now a Marine Biologist in Florida. This was never explained; not in the blurb at the back or in the book itself. Now, it might be entirely my fault for not realizing that this was part of a series, but I would at least expect an author to give you a brief explanation of who this guy is, even if it's a one-paragraph bit of exposition. As it was, I was just honestly confused as to why this nerdy, unlikable character would run after some Evil Russian Minions after he finds them torturing some guy. It was still never explained properly-- there were only hints at some 'dark past' and 'mysterious operations' and random characters popping up that I suppose have some significance to the story. At least make an effort for readers who may not know the whole story. Am I asking for too much here? It doesn't really matter, though. I don't think there's any way I could have even begun to care about this obnoxious character, so a dossier of his life might only have made him more annoying.
As to the story itself, it was pretty pathetic. Some Evil Doctor is planning Evil Deeds from his Evil Lair in the Bahamas. His Evil Plan consists of releasing flesh-eating parasites into the waters of Florida (specifically the area around Disney World), with the purpose of driving everyone out so he can come in and buy cheap real estate. Then he would get rid of the parasites, and he could sell the land at great profit. Seems to me like a pretty round-about way of making some money. Specially when this Evil Doctor is so incompetent as to not even have a cure for the parasites when he first starts in on the plan. He sends some minions (Russian, of course) to torture some poor scientist, and Doc Ford catches them at it--they're not very good Minions. Then he's brought in on all the intrigue of some guy importing dangerous animals into Disney World. Or something.
All that is really just a stupid, incompetently drawn background. None of it makes any sense, and you get the feeling that White just wanted to show off how cool he thinks Doc Ford is. We spend much of the book following Doc Ford (that name just keeps making me cringe) on his stupid Harriet the Spy adventures in Florida. Watch as he tries to poorly investigate a murder, with his collection of stupid, badly drawn characters that we're supposed to find charming! Watch as he studies some things in his lab for 30 pages! Watch as he is Condescending and Bitchy to everyone he knows! He just wants to go surfing, man! Watch as we learn about sharks, which have nothing to do with this plot! Watch as he has relationship problems with someone off-screen! And finally, Read all about White's Research on Icky Animals! He can do research!
In short, it was an utter, painful bore.
The biggest problem, though, isn't the stupid plot or the lack of anything remotely exciting to read: it's the characters. Doc Ford is a condescending, unlikable ass of a person, and I kept waiting for the Evil (and Sexy) Russian Spy to kick his ass. He spouts bad one-liners from the book of bad James Bond Wannabes and he spends a lot of time hating all the work he has to do. The Evil and Sexy Russian Spy is nothing but that. She's sexy and she's evil. Apparently she has some ulterior motives that are never properly explained--at the end of it I didn't even know (or care) whose side she had been on. Doc Ford has some friends that don't really matter, including a stupid hippie and a Sassy Black Lady who is always off-screen, probably because she's too interesting to hang out with this dullard. He has a son who goes by the incredibly stupid name of Laken (who lives in "Central America" because everyone knows that place is just one giant country) and a pregnant fiance by the even stupider name of Dewey. It's like a collection of horrendous names and annoying characters. I didn't care about a single one of them. I kept wondering if I would have cared had I read the other books, but I didn't want to read the other books, and nothing could compel me to do so now.
And that was just the biggest problem in that soup of horribleness. The writing was terribly clunky, the pacing was all off-key and the sad attempts at action and suspense were just plain boring. There's plenty of deaths and gruesome details; but they're really worth nothing when everything else is a confusing mess of events happening off-screen while Doc Ford goes to a bar with his stupid hippie friend.
It's not worth it, really, getting so annoyed at this book. It was forgettable and trashy, the kind of thing that people buy at airports and then just "happen" to leave in a hotel room to rot until it can torture someone else. It's Michael Crichton For Dummies. You could do worse, I guess. But as for me, I'm just going to stay the hell away from Mr White and Doc Ford forever.
PS: As for the title? Bullshit! Nothing ever happens at night in this book. Stop trying to sound mysterious, sir.
This was one of those books I picked up at our house in Honduras, for no other reason than I had nothing else to read. I didn't really want to read it, based on the cover alone: a dark, stormy background, shiny bright letters, a scorpion in the corner. It just screamed "STAY AWAY".
I should have listened to my first instincts. Because this was a stinky, putrid mess of a book that I only remember because of how much I wanted to throw it at the wall.
Apparently, this was part of a series of books about the adventures of Doc Ford (*groan*) a former NSA Agent who is now a Marine Biologist in Florida. This was never explained; not in the blurb at the back or in the book itself. Now, it might be entirely my fault for not realizing that this was part of a series, but I would at least expect an author to give you a brief explanation of who this guy is, even if it's a one-paragraph bit of exposition. As it was, I was just honestly confused as to why this nerdy, unlikable character would run after some Evil Russian Minions after he finds them torturing some guy. It was still never explained properly-- there were only hints at some 'dark past' and 'mysterious operations' and random characters popping up that I suppose have some significance to the story. At least make an effort for readers who may not know the whole story. Am I asking for too much here? It doesn't really matter, though. I don't think there's any way I could have even begun to care about this obnoxious character, so a dossier of his life might only have made him more annoying.
As to the story itself, it was pretty pathetic. Some Evil Doctor is planning Evil Deeds from his Evil Lair in the Bahamas. His Evil Plan consists of releasing flesh-eating parasites into the waters of Florida (specifically the area around Disney World), with the purpose of driving everyone out so he can come in and buy cheap real estate. Then he would get rid of the parasites, and he could sell the land at great profit. Seems to me like a pretty round-about way of making some money. Specially when this Evil Doctor is so incompetent as to not even have a cure for the parasites when he first starts in on the plan. He sends some minions (Russian, of course) to torture some poor scientist, and Doc Ford catches them at it--they're not very good Minions. Then he's brought in on all the intrigue of some guy importing dangerous animals into Disney World. Or something.
All that is really just a stupid, incompetently drawn background. None of it makes any sense, and you get the feeling that White just wanted to show off how cool he thinks Doc Ford is. We spend much of the book following Doc Ford (that name just keeps making me cringe) on his stupid Harriet the Spy adventures in Florida. Watch as he tries to poorly investigate a murder, with his collection of stupid, badly drawn characters that we're supposed to find charming! Watch as he studies some things in his lab for 30 pages! Watch as he is Condescending and Bitchy to everyone he knows! He just wants to go surfing, man! Watch as we learn about sharks, which have nothing to do with this plot! Watch as he has relationship problems with someone off-screen! And finally, Read all about White's Research on Icky Animals! He can do research!
In short, it was an utter, painful bore.
The biggest problem, though, isn't the stupid plot or the lack of anything remotely exciting to read: it's the characters. Doc Ford is a condescending, unlikable ass of a person, and I kept waiting for the Evil (and Sexy) Russian Spy to kick his ass. He spouts bad one-liners from the book of bad James Bond Wannabes and he spends a lot of time hating all the work he has to do. The Evil and Sexy Russian Spy is nothing but that. She's sexy and she's evil. Apparently she has some ulterior motives that are never properly explained--at the end of it I didn't even know (or care) whose side she had been on. Doc Ford has some friends that don't really matter, including a stupid hippie and a Sassy Black Lady who is always off-screen, probably because she's too interesting to hang out with this dullard. He has a son who goes by the incredibly stupid name of Laken (who lives in "Central America" because everyone knows that place is just one giant country) and a pregnant fiance by the even stupider name of Dewey. It's like a collection of horrendous names and annoying characters. I didn't care about a single one of them. I kept wondering if I would have cared had I read the other books, but I didn't want to read the other books, and nothing could compel me to do so now.
And that was just the biggest problem in that soup of horribleness. The writing was terribly clunky, the pacing was all off-key and the sad attempts at action and suspense were just plain boring. There's plenty of deaths and gruesome details; but they're really worth nothing when everything else is a confusing mess of events happening off-screen while Doc Ford goes to a bar with his stupid hippie friend.
It's not worth it, really, getting so annoyed at this book. It was forgettable and trashy, the kind of thing that people buy at airports and then just "happen" to leave in a hotel room to rot until it can torture someone else. It's Michael Crichton For Dummies. You could do worse, I guess. But as for me, I'm just going to stay the hell away from Mr White and Doc Ford forever.
PS: As for the title? Bullshit! Nothing ever happens at night in this book. Stop trying to sound mysterious, sir.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Book #2: "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" by JK Rowling
Here's the multi-million dollar question:
Why the hell am I reviewing this now?
And here's the 2 cent answer:
Because I had planned on reviewing it for the last Cannonball, but my sister ended up taking the books with her to college and I was too cheap to buy a new copy.
Fascinating.
So what does one say about an immensely popular book that came out in 2005 (holy crap, really? I feel so old) and that everyone and their sister has read?
Well, I really liked it. After the giant wad of nothingness that was Order of the Phoenix, this one was a lot meatier and a lot less infuriating. There were some fantastic scenes peppered in, a lot of sweet little moments and a lot of making fun of how lame Ron is, which is always rewarding. It's also even darker and more mature than any of the other books in the series, and by now I think everyone knows about the incredibly depressing ending.
The basic plot (yeah, don't even pretend like you don't know) has Harry in his 6th year at Hogwarts, with Voldemort finally back in power and starting to do some nasty things. Mysterious things happen at the school, there's a lot of Quidditch and teenage relationship problems, he has some interesting meetings with Dumbledore and there's a big battle at the end. You know, like with every other book in the series.
The overarching mystery this time is unfortunately rather pathetic. Harry suspects that Draco Malfoy is up to some shenanigans, and he spends the entire book trying to find out what it is while nobody listens to him (because, fuck, after 6 books of being right, why should anyone listen to Harry?). There's also the matter of who the Half-Blood Prince is, because...well, actually, no one really cares and that whole plot is a big dud. Basically, Harry gets a used Potions book with some mysterious annotations, and suddenly he's a genius at Potions. OH HOW MYSTERIOUS AND EXCITING. Let us spend 500 pages in trying to find out what some snotty little asshole is doing in secret and trying to figure out who was the little shit who vandalized a schoolbook. THE FIEND.
Luckily, it's not just Harry Potter and the Mystery of Draco's Night-Time Wanderings (He Probably Just Wanted Some PRIVACY, Potter), though there's entirely too much time devoted to that.
Oh, alright, the Draco thing is actually pretty cool in the end. And in between that and the MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY OF THE TEXTBOOK VANDALIZER, there's some rather cool stuff. Specifically, Harry starts meeting up with Dumbledore so that they can find out about what Voldemort was like in his youth. While there's a bigger purpose to that, the scenes dealing with the meetings themselves (which include diving into people's memories as has been seen before in the series) are really well done. Turns out that Voldemort was an evil little weirdo from the start, and the big revelation at the end is actually quite shocking, and nicely sets up the final book in the series. It's a nice departure from the usual deal where Dumbledore never tells Harry anything until the final scenes; which, incidentally, always made me think that Dumbledore was kind of a dick.
Rowling is admittedly formulaic, and the book suffers from the usual problems of the other series: namely, that we pretty much know exactly how the book is going to go (Harry goes to school, everything is swell until a mystery shows up, the kids try to figure it out on their own until the end when there's a big battle that Harry survives and then Dumbledore explains everything at the end). To Rowling's credit, however, it's still an exciting read. She knows her characters, and sometimes it's just fun to sit back and read about the relationship problems of three teenagers who can do magic but are still kinda dumb about such bizarre things as dating and (*gasp*) kissing. She's great at going from moments of total silliness to some pretty serious and dark events, and the world of the book (which completely falls apart if you even begin to think about it too much) is entertaining enough that you never really get bored in the non-action scenes.
On a tangent, it's a shame that the movie adaptation for this book wasn't better. The problem with the movies has always been that they're just a reel of highlights from the books, and sure it's nice to see good moments if you've read the books, but if you aren't a fan you'll just be incredibly confused. And you'll miss out on some great moments like finding out about Voldemort's past in favor of some of the more lighthearted stuff like "ooh! kids are kissing!". You can't really do justice to so much material in the course of an hour and a half, though I wish they had tried a little harder.
So, after that entirely too-long diatribe, I can just tell you that this is a pretty great book, and one of the best in the series. It would be silly to read it without going through the other five, so don't try that, you shameless cheater. I'd highly recommend reading it before watching the final movies, because otherwise you'll probably be very confused.
Now you'll have to wait a bit for my review of the final book in the series (I know you're all at the edges of your seats), because I don't have a copy, I can't get a library card yet and I can't decide if I should re-read it first or after I watch the final movie. FIGGY POTTER AND THE INCREDIBLY HARD DECISION PLUS THE LIBRARY CARD ADVENTURE! now in stores!
Now clickey here.
Why the hell am I reviewing this now?
And here's the 2 cent answer:
Because I had planned on reviewing it for the last Cannonball, but my sister ended up taking the books with her to college and I was too cheap to buy a new copy.
Fascinating.
So what does one say about an immensely popular book that came out in 2005 (holy crap, really? I feel so old) and that everyone and their sister has read?
Well, I really liked it. After the giant wad of nothingness that was Order of the Phoenix, this one was a lot meatier and a lot less infuriating. There were some fantastic scenes peppered in, a lot of sweet little moments and a lot of making fun of how lame Ron is, which is always rewarding. It's also even darker and more mature than any of the other books in the series, and by now I think everyone knows about the incredibly depressing ending.
The basic plot (yeah, don't even pretend like you don't know) has Harry in his 6th year at Hogwarts, with Voldemort finally back in power and starting to do some nasty things. Mysterious things happen at the school, there's a lot of Quidditch and teenage relationship problems, he has some interesting meetings with Dumbledore and there's a big battle at the end. You know, like with every other book in the series.
The overarching mystery this time is unfortunately rather pathetic. Harry suspects that Draco Malfoy is up to some shenanigans, and he spends the entire book trying to find out what it is while nobody listens to him (because, fuck, after 6 books of being right, why should anyone listen to Harry?). There's also the matter of who the Half-Blood Prince is, because...well, actually, no one really cares and that whole plot is a big dud. Basically, Harry gets a used Potions book with some mysterious annotations, and suddenly he's a genius at Potions. OH HOW MYSTERIOUS AND EXCITING. Let us spend 500 pages in trying to find out what some snotty little asshole is doing in secret and trying to figure out who was the little shit who vandalized a schoolbook. THE FIEND.
Luckily, it's not just Harry Potter and the Mystery of Draco's Night-Time Wanderings (He Probably Just Wanted Some PRIVACY, Potter), though there's entirely too much time devoted to that.
Oh, alright, the Draco thing is actually pretty cool in the end. And in between that and the MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY OF THE TEXTBOOK VANDALIZER, there's some rather cool stuff. Specifically, Harry starts meeting up with Dumbledore so that they can find out about what Voldemort was like in his youth. While there's a bigger purpose to that, the scenes dealing with the meetings themselves (which include diving into people's memories as has been seen before in the series) are really well done. Turns out that Voldemort was an evil little weirdo from the start, and the big revelation at the end is actually quite shocking, and nicely sets up the final book in the series. It's a nice departure from the usual deal where Dumbledore never tells Harry anything until the final scenes; which, incidentally, always made me think that Dumbledore was kind of a dick.
Rowling is admittedly formulaic, and the book suffers from the usual problems of the other series: namely, that we pretty much know exactly how the book is going to go (Harry goes to school, everything is swell until a mystery shows up, the kids try to figure it out on their own until the end when there's a big battle that Harry survives and then Dumbledore explains everything at the end). To Rowling's credit, however, it's still an exciting read. She knows her characters, and sometimes it's just fun to sit back and read about the relationship problems of three teenagers who can do magic but are still kinda dumb about such bizarre things as dating and (*gasp*) kissing. She's great at going from moments of total silliness to some pretty serious and dark events, and the world of the book (which completely falls apart if you even begin to think about it too much) is entertaining enough that you never really get bored in the non-action scenes.
On a tangent, it's a shame that the movie adaptation for this book wasn't better. The problem with the movies has always been that they're just a reel of highlights from the books, and sure it's nice to see good moments if you've read the books, but if you aren't a fan you'll just be incredibly confused. And you'll miss out on some great moments like finding out about Voldemort's past in favor of some of the more lighthearted stuff like "ooh! kids are kissing!". You can't really do justice to so much material in the course of an hour and a half, though I wish they had tried a little harder.
So, after that entirely too-long diatribe, I can just tell you that this is a pretty great book, and one of the best in the series. It would be silly to read it without going through the other five, so don't try that, you shameless cheater. I'd highly recommend reading it before watching the final movies, because otherwise you'll probably be very confused.
Now you'll have to wait a bit for my review of the final book in the series (I know you're all at the edges of your seats), because I don't have a copy, I can't get a library card yet and I can't decide if I should re-read it first or after I watch the final movie. FIGGY POTTER AND THE INCREDIBLY HARD DECISION PLUS THE LIBRARY CARD ADVENTURE! now in stores!
Now clickey here.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Book #1: "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller
Oh, well, what the hell.
I first read this book when I was only 16 years old. I didn't even know English very well back then, and I distinctly remember that large portions of the book went directly over my head. And I still enjoyed the hell out of it.
Imagine my surprise when I re-read it ten years later and my reaction was, well, almost exactly the same as it had been back then.
To put it in a few words, Catch-22 is confusing, disjointed and disorienting as all hell. And it's one of the funniest books I have ever read. This time around I was able to pick up on so many more of the (sometimes admittedly groan-inducing) jokes that Heller has sprinkled all over book. I was able to keep better track of the 15 thousand characters that show up at completely random moments, and to keep a slightly less-slippery grasp of the story, which hops from place to place sometimes within the same sentence.
It's hard to write about this book, because where the hell do you even begin? There's no such thing as a linear story, and the best way to sum it up is this: There's this guy in the army at the end (or...the beginning) of World War 2. His name is John Yossarian, and he's a pilot who doesn't want to fly any more missions, because he thinks that everyone is out to kill him. "They're out to kill everybody", he's told. But he takes it personally. But he's told he can't get grounded, because the only people who get grounded are the crazy ones. But the crazy ones don't want to get grounded, so they fly more missions. Yossarian is clearly not crazy, because he doesn't want to die. Got that? That's Catch-22.
Are you as confused as I was trying to write that? Good, because this whole book is like that. It has a beginning, sure, and an ending, but shortly after the first two pages Heller goes back in time, then a little bit forwards, then further back, the further ahead, and soon you have absolutely no idea of where you are. You just know that there's some guy named Milo who feeds the squadron cotton balls covered in chocolate, and a chaplain, and a guy with named Major Major Major Major. And it's all outrageously funny. Sometimes. Most of the time. Sometimes the book can get incredibly depressing, specially towards the end.
And that's kind of the point, really. Heller is trying to tell you that war is confusing and dehumanizing. That everyone is equally ridiculous and absurd, but that things can also be deathly serious. When you sit down and think about the world that Yossarian is stuck in, it seems like that is what hell would be like.
It's definitely not a book for everyone. I've often heard people saying they couldn't keep reading, because the story was too confusing. Too many characters, too much absurdist nonsense. And that's true, but that's exactly why I loved it. You never known where the book is headed, and I actually enjoyed feeling like my head was spinning after reading certain parts of the book.
I'd say give it a try. You'll either love it or hate it, but hopefully you'll laugh as hard as I did. I always recommend this book to everyone I meet, though maybe sometimes I shouldn't. I just think everyone should give it a try and make up their own minds.
Then you'd be in on the joke, and you'd know the answer to eternal questions such as "Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?"
I first read this book when I was only 16 years old. I didn't even know English very well back then, and I distinctly remember that large portions of the book went directly over my head. And I still enjoyed the hell out of it.
Imagine my surprise when I re-read it ten years later and my reaction was, well, almost exactly the same as it had been back then.
To put it in a few words, Catch-22 is confusing, disjointed and disorienting as all hell. And it's one of the funniest books I have ever read. This time around I was able to pick up on so many more of the (sometimes admittedly groan-inducing) jokes that Heller has sprinkled all over book. I was able to keep better track of the 15 thousand characters that show up at completely random moments, and to keep a slightly less-slippery grasp of the story, which hops from place to place sometimes within the same sentence.
It's hard to write about this book, because where the hell do you even begin? There's no such thing as a linear story, and the best way to sum it up is this: There's this guy in the army at the end (or...the beginning) of World War 2. His name is John Yossarian, and he's a pilot who doesn't want to fly any more missions, because he thinks that everyone is out to kill him. "They're out to kill everybody", he's told. But he takes it personally. But he's told he can't get grounded, because the only people who get grounded are the crazy ones. But the crazy ones don't want to get grounded, so they fly more missions. Yossarian is clearly not crazy, because he doesn't want to die. Got that? That's Catch-22.
Are you as confused as I was trying to write that? Good, because this whole book is like that. It has a beginning, sure, and an ending, but shortly after the first two pages Heller goes back in time, then a little bit forwards, then further back, the further ahead, and soon you have absolutely no idea of where you are. You just know that there's some guy named Milo who feeds the squadron cotton balls covered in chocolate, and a chaplain, and a guy with named Major Major Major Major. And it's all outrageously funny. Sometimes. Most of the time. Sometimes the book can get incredibly depressing, specially towards the end.
And that's kind of the point, really. Heller is trying to tell you that war is confusing and dehumanizing. That everyone is equally ridiculous and absurd, but that things can also be deathly serious. When you sit down and think about the world that Yossarian is stuck in, it seems like that is what hell would be like.
It's definitely not a book for everyone. I've often heard people saying they couldn't keep reading, because the story was too confusing. Too many characters, too much absurdist nonsense. And that's true, but that's exactly why I loved it. You never known where the book is headed, and I actually enjoyed feeling like my head was spinning after reading certain parts of the book.
I'd say give it a try. You'll either love it or hate it, but hopefully you'll laugh as hard as I did. I always recommend this book to everyone I meet, though maybe sometimes I shouldn't. I just think everyone should give it a try and make up their own minds.
Then you'd be in on the joke, and you'd know the answer to eternal questions such as "Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?"
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Cannonball Starts!
Here's a very important tip for all you Cannonballers:
Never wait too long to write a book review. If you can, write it immediately after you've finished the book. Otherwise, you'll get lazy as I did and then have the books pile up so that you'll have 5 reviews to write and you can't even remember how you felt about the first few books.
So that's where I'm at. I've begun the reading strong, but since I was home and surrounded by people, I couldn't get into the writing mood. Now have to get myself there again, and it's a pain, because I revel in the laziness of winter.
So far I've read 3 books--two excellent, one quite horrible. The one I'm currently on is a massive bore and I'm forcing myself to get through it quickly, even though I want to put it down every couple of pages. But I must persevere. I've also been reading a fifth on my iPod while at airports and such, so I must make myself finish it.
And through all, I think I'm going to be doing reviews of Breaking Dawn. Because obviously, I hate myself. But I admit that the Twilight reviews were a lot of fun to write (tunnel vision, yay!) and I think they made a lot of people laugh. Plus it'll keep me writing and get me another book on the list.
Onwards! I'll get started on that first review right now.
Never wait too long to write a book review. If you can, write it immediately after you've finished the book. Otherwise, you'll get lazy as I did and then have the books pile up so that you'll have 5 reviews to write and you can't even remember how you felt about the first few books.
So that's where I'm at. I've begun the reading strong, but since I was home and surrounded by people, I couldn't get into the writing mood. Now have to get myself there again, and it's a pain, because I revel in the laziness of winter.
So far I've read 3 books--two excellent, one quite horrible. The one I'm currently on is a massive bore and I'm forcing myself to get through it quickly, even though I want to put it down every couple of pages. But I must persevere. I've also been reading a fifth on my iPod while at airports and such, so I must make myself finish it.
And through all, I think I'm going to be doing reviews of Breaking Dawn. Because obviously, I hate myself. But I admit that the Twilight reviews were a lot of fun to write (tunnel vision, yay!) and I think they made a lot of people laugh. Plus it'll keep me writing and get me another book on the list.
Onwards! I'll get started on that first review right now.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Torn.
I'm wondering if it's always going to be like this.
I've spent all year in Dallas wanting to visit Honduras for at least a little while. To see my dogs, to sit in my favorite room to read during sunset, to enjoy my family and eat some tortillas.
And now I've done it, and I spent far too much time wishing I was back in Texas; with my husband, my bed, my own place, my own food.
Now it's time to leave Honduras again--and I don't want to. Because I won't get to see my dogs, to sit in my favorite room and read during sunset, won't get to see my family again for another, too-long while.
I suppose it'll never really go away, this feeling of being divided between two places I call home. I'm thinking that my sense of Dallas as 'home' will grow stronger over time; but I'll never get over missing this beautiful house, this crazy family.
And I'm getting tired of saying goodbye to my family. Too much crying.
I guess for now, it's still a little heartbreaking every time I leave one place for the other. And that's alright, because I don't ever want to lose the ties I have to this place.
I guess that's what growing up is all about.
I've spent all year in Dallas wanting to visit Honduras for at least a little while. To see my dogs, to sit in my favorite room to read during sunset, to enjoy my family and eat some tortillas.
And now I've done it, and I spent far too much time wishing I was back in Texas; with my husband, my bed, my own place, my own food.
Now it's time to leave Honduras again--and I don't want to. Because I won't get to see my dogs, to sit in my favorite room and read during sunset, won't get to see my family again for another, too-long while.
I suppose it'll never really go away, this feeling of being divided between two places I call home. I'm thinking that my sense of Dallas as 'home' will grow stronger over time; but I'll never get over missing this beautiful house, this crazy family.
And I'm getting tired of saying goodbye to my family. Too much crying.
I guess for now, it's still a little heartbreaking every time I leave one place for the other. And that's alright, because I don't ever want to lose the ties I have to this place.
I guess that's what growing up is all about.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Checking in...
So I'm finally back in Tegucigalpa after a very long 5 days in Copan Ruinas. I've got a very long post to write about it and my brother's wedding (which was quite wonderful), but that'll have to wait until, well, until I'm not feeling so damn lazy*. Chalk it up to not having slept right for the past three days and having barely made up on any sleep last night.
That's it for now. Just wanted to check in and let the world know I'm mostly alive and well, and planning to eat all the mantequilla and cheese in Honduras until the day I leave. Whee!
*And until I get a better keyboard. I decided that lugging around my laptop wasn't worth the trouble and I've only brought along my iPod Touch. I'm on family computer right now, and the keyboard is pretty terrible. So you'll just have to sit there and wait.
That's it for now. Just wanted to check in and let the world know I'm mostly alive and well, and planning to eat all the mantequilla and cheese in Honduras until the day I leave. Whee!
*And until I get a better keyboard. I decided that lugging around my laptop wasn't worth the trouble and I've only brought along my iPod Touch. I'm on family computer right now, and the keyboard is pretty terrible. So you'll just have to sit there and wait.
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