Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Torn.

I'm wondering if it's always going to be like this.

I've spent all year in Dallas wanting to visit Honduras for at least a little while. To see my dogs, to sit in my favorite room to read during sunset, to enjoy my family and eat some tortillas.

And now I've done it, and I spent far too much time wishing I was back in Texas; with my husband, my bed, my own place, my own food.

Now it's time to leave Honduras again--and I don't want to. Because I won't get to see my dogs, to sit in my favorite room and read during sunset, won't get to see my family again for another, too-long while.

I suppose it'll never really go away, this feeling of being divided between two places I call home. I'm thinking that my sense of Dallas as 'home' will grow stronger over time; but I'll never get over missing this beautiful house, this crazy family.

And I'm getting tired of saying goodbye to my family. Too much crying.

I guess for now, it's still a little heartbreaking every time I leave one place for the other. And that's alright, because I don't ever want to lose the ties I have to this place.

I guess that's what growing up is all about.

6 comments:

DeistBrawler said...

It's not growing up...it's just finding your place in the world.

jamiepants said...

EXACTLY what Deistbrawler said...
my thoughts while reading the end were "it's not growing up, it's just figuring out where you belong..."

jamiepants said...

EXACTLY what Deist said. While I was reading it, I thought...It's not about growing up, it's about being comfortable with where you are. You're fine, dear.

Sin said...

sadly, dude, that sounds about right :(

The Caustic Critic said...

Although my childhood home and current home aren't nearly as separated as yours, I also still get the same feeling. I get back to the old homestead about once a year, and although it's great and I love seeing my family, I'm also very relieved when it's time to come home. I think everyone goes through it. Safe travels on your return.

Figgylicious said...

Oh, I definitely agree, but I'd also say they're the same thing, no? Or at least, finding your place in the world is a huge par of finally feeling like a grown-up. Trying to, anyway.