Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Book #48: The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon (Book #5 of the Outlander series)

Time for more short, half-assed reviews. This one I "wrote" while reading the book, because I was so angry at so many things and I just decided to take notes on things that made me angry about it. Here's the result. It makes no sense, but it boils down the book to the essentials. It's terrible, too long and meandering and I didn't give a damn about anything in it. Definitely the lowest point in the series.

-Going over the same topics over and over and over and over again. Get the fuck OVER it.

-Roger and Brianna are fucking boring.

-Brianna is a spoiled, selfish brat.

-nothing happens for at least 200 pages. NOTHING.

-300 pages and they haven't fucking left

-brianna is the type of hag that gets angry at the slightest thing then angrier that everyone doesn't immediately know why she's angry. then she starts swearing like a moron. helpful. why the hell does Roger love her so much? there is nothing redeemable about her

-roger is an incompetent asswipe, getting himself captured TWICE for being an interfering nitwit.

-after the 15th time one of these people gets in trouble or is nearly killed, it's really fucking monotonous. either REALLY kill one of them or just fuck off with the near deaths.

-snake bite. bear attack. hanging. for fuck's sake, woman. leave these people alone or just KILL THEM ALREADY.

-someone needs to go back through these novels and figure out how many times the men just stand there looking longingly at the women doing whatever. That's all they ever seem to do when they're not in MORTAL DANGER.

-christ. it's been like 20 pages of them dealing with a snake bite.

-holy fucking cow, two pages on blood types. WHAT THE HELL

At this point I gave up and just started skipping pages like crazy. Horrible, horrible book. No one should read it. Either stop at the one before this or skip to the next one. Jeebus on a piece of toast, this was terrible. Someone stop this woman.


Marra Alane said...

I. Fucking. Hated. This. Book.

Brianna is retarded! And so is Roger; he's a giant wet blanket. For christ sakes, he was sold to indians, how is that not an interesting storyline?

And frankly, as soon as Jamie got bit by the snake, I wanted him to die. And he wanted to die, but then Claire kept him in this world by holding his dick? What the fuck, Gabaldon!

Figgylicious said...

Aaah! And this is the one where Claire gets gangraped and IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER AUGH.

PhoenixVader said...

Diana Gabaldon is a horrid wind bag. She over describes everything, does she feel her readers are so stupid as to have no imagination for themselves? Christ, she uses 75 words to describe something that could be done in just 20.

I found this book to be even worse than the last one. I agree with the review above. Either kill Roger or let him be. It wasn't bad enough that she had him beat near to death and sold to Indians, she had to hang him and take is singing voice? What next? Castrate him?

I was reading these books because my wife just raved about them, but I can't continue. The first two or three weren't too bad, but then it just get horrible.

Do yourself a favor, read the first three and then assume Gabaldon died, you will do yourself a great favor.

MJ Boutin said...

Oh my god, I’m so glad I found this review. Better late than never. Everywhere I go people might whine a little about the NEVER-ENDING GATHERING, but all in all, the general opionion seems to be that it’s a redeemable book.

It’s not. It is one of the worst books I have ever read. It’s 4000 pages of Gabaldon being in love with herself and her own writing and assuming her Adoring Audience will feel the same, and that we will just gush and gush with overflowing praise for this COMPLETE WASTE OF OUR TIME.

I’ll never get back the hours of my life it has taken me to read this meandering garbage. Bree and Roger are so, so painfully boring. Poor Roger has been through everything and anything and he is STILL a wuss. All he does is sit around and pine for Brianna, feel sorry for himself, or dwell on his weird crush on Claire and Jamie both.

All of the subplots went NOWHERE. I would add the ghost bear (like, wtf?); absolutely every part of Fannie Beardsley’s weird, WEIRD story; Claire’s mystery, midnight foot fetish visitor who DIGITALLY PENETRATED HER (another instance of sexual assault to add to the long list in this series); the forest fire; and Bree’s forever lactating boobies to the other pointless story lines mentioned here.

To anyone who is going through the series and just finished DOA, just skip to ABOSAA. You will miss literally nothing.